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Handbook for the Recently Deceased

By: on February 05, 2013
$29.95
from
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This Handbook for the Recently Deceased contains 220 blank pages. I don't know if that's better or worse than Adam and Barbara Maitland's gibberish-filled version. Perhaps better, as at least buyers can fill this one with their own gibberish. A journal for musings on death, the afterlife, and how Tim Burton could just ditch favored leading man Michael Keaton for Johnny Depp circa 1994. I don't care if Depp gave him Edward Scissorhands and the Mad Hatter, Keaton was mother f'ing Beetlejuice. Man was Beetlejuice a good movie. I can't even think about my childhood without seeing black-and-white stripes and hearing The Banana Boat Song as internal background music.

The Handbook for the Recently Deceased pages are 70lb white, unlined paper. Front and back hard covers have been fitted with handmade printed cloth. Sizing--5-1/2" x 8"--is proportionate to that in the movie, as determined by the scene in which fatass Otho stole the handbook and hid it in his jacket pocket. Also included with the journal is a Beetlejuice/Betelgeuse flyer replica, and an insert sheet with lines from the film supposedly read out of the guide to being dead.

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People I Want to Punch in the Face

$9.99 from Etsy »

A comprehensive collection of people you want to punch in the face. This is the little black book anyone can fill. In fact, it would probably be a good idea to order a few Rude Books, 'cause you know you're gonna want...

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Fear the Reaper Inflatable Costume

Sold Out from Amazon »

The Ghost of Christmas Future heard you're being a Scrooge about dressing up, so he's coming early this year to spook you into the Halloween spirit. Also, he's tired of getting stuck with crappy homemade iced reindeer...

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Wipebook - Whiteboard Notebook

$14 - $28 from Wipebook »

Wipebook poses the question, "You know how creative people use whiteboards to generate cool amazing ideas?" And I ask the question, "You know how creative people with cool amazing ideas who can't draw, or even really...

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Treeincarnation: From Ashes to Spiritree

$225 from The Spiritree »

Hello, children. In today's lesson we will learn about death and gardening. First, meet Walter. Walter is dead. That's why he fits so easily inside this urn. Now meet the Spiritree. The Spiritree is also an urn, but it...

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The Most Accurate Watch in the World

$199.99 from Watchismo »

While seemingly morbid and in poor taste at first glance, The Accurate--a Mr. Jones Watch--intends to serve as a reminder of our fleeting seconds, minutes, and hours on earth. Its dial and rim are even mirrored so that...

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The Inspiration Pad

$30 from TM »

If you're in search of your next great idea and don't happen to be sitting under an incandescent lightbulb suspended in mid-air, maybe the Inspiration Pad can help. Breaking all the rules of the college-ruled, this notebook...

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S**t Happens So Get Over It

$7.95 from Amazon »

Shit Happens So Get Over It. Is the title not inspiration enough? I'm not sure I even need to read beyond the cover to figure out that this book would like me to suck it up. And rightly so. Times are tough. We could all...

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S**t I Gotta F**king Get Done Notebook

$9.95 from Cool Material »

By the dawn's early light I sit toiling to put together a sharp, informative, borderline offensive--though mostly to people I don't really care about offending--description of this Shit I Gotta Fucking Get Done Notebook...

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Beetlejuice Terrarium

Discontinued

According to the Handbook for the Recently Deceased, the Beetlejuice Terrarium is an accurately-depicted scale model of the Maitland-Deetz estate, replete with fence posts, dirt driveway, the foreboding, Burton-esque...

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Lumio Book Lamp

$225 - $259.99 from Amazon »

Max Gunawan designed Lumio to represent his appreciation for minimalist design and, as an architect, his motivation to optimize the use of small spaces. I bet he's enjoyed a few illuminating books in his life too. Lumio...

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Paperback - iPhone Post-It Notes

$7.95 from I Love Handles »

Although I recently made the astute observation that no one uses pens to write things down anymore, now that these Paperback sticky notes will allow us to merge ink with our iPhones, it's possible some people will reacquire...

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Tikker Countdown to Death Watch

$71.81 from Amazon »

Here's a swell gift for the person you hate most in life. The Tikker watch is set to countdown to its wearer's death. Oh sure, its creators try to spin it as a timepiece of happiness. The box even reads, "Tikker: The...