140

The Map of Zombies

By: on February 12, 2014

What they lack in intelligence they make up for in contributions to the entertainment industry. Jason Thompson's Map of Zombies (complete, hi-res version here) traces and visually depicts by physical characteristics, personality traits, and origins over 350 of the most infamous zombies ever to grace the screens and pages of movies, books, video games, comics, manga, and TV. In a drawing reminiscent of vintage medical charts, the Map of Zombies presents a truly awe-inspiring perspective on our obsession with the walking dead.

Thompson places zombie masterpieces in categories and sub-categories such as Fast, Slow, Voodoo-spawned, Alien, Fungus-infected, Friendly, Cannibalistic, Vulnerable to Headshots, and Vulnerable Only to Complete Dismemberment. For example, trace the map's zombie family braintree and you'll find that those who cannot run faster than humans and exist only because they have been revived by mad scientists as cybernetic beings are probably zombies from Frankenstein's Army. On the flip side, undead of an occult origin who just want to tear up the choreography in the greatest music video of all time (i.e., Primary Motivation: Dancing) have entered the zombieverse through Michael Jackson's "Thriller".

The Map of Zombies also includes a key to symbols identifying the type of media (movie, video game, etc.) and the thematic motivation behind each piece of work in the zombie oeuvre. Theme classifications include Romance (e.g., White Trash Zombie), Comedy (BioZombie), Nazi/Kaiser Zombies (Hellsing), Secondary Apocalypse (Spore the Fungus), and Zombires (Hellbaby).

Maps are sold as 24" x 36" posters that arrive in 26" mailing tubes. Upon receiving their purchase, buyers should set aside many hours to study the map and commit of all of its zombie qualifications and titles to memory. On day 7 of ownership, Thompson will text you a 5-question pop quiz, and if each question is not answered within 15 seconds of transmission, he'll send Bill fucking Murray over to eat your intestines.

Check it out

The World According To Americans

$8.25 - $47.95 from Zazzle »

With the possible exception of the "AIDS" label that's covering half of Africa, some of these American stereotypes of the rest of world are surprisingly lacking in wickedness. I would have expected less superficial ignorance...

Buy Now

Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit

$284 from Amazon »

Are you prepared to fight for the survival and integrity of family, friends, and the human race in apocalyptic combat with the ambulatory dead? In other words, do you want to buy a 7-piece set of gut-ripping knives and...

Check it out

Mainland USA, According to Common Sense

$8.25 - $47.95 from Zazzle »

The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure all of these "jokes" are based on actual statistics from the US Census. The other sad thing is, I bet the 95% of us who couldn't name half of the color blocks when looking at a blank...

Check it out

Zombie Apocalypse Bedding

$130 - $160 from It's Alive! Designs »

Think about those nights you bolt upright in bed, heart racing, salty with cold sweat, awakened from a nightmare just before you meet your final doom. Now think about the rush of relief you feel as you take in the solitude...

Check it out

Flayed Flesh Garters

Sold Out from Etsy »

Take peek-a-boo garters to the next level: peek-a-boo blood vessels and layers of muscle tissue, courtesy of open-wound prostheses and stocking accoutrements from Etsy's Meaghan O'Keefe. A pair of unpainted latex prostheses...

Check it out

Zombie Hammer Survival Tools

$79.95 - $139.95 from Zombie Hammer »

"Zombie Hammer survival tools are designed to last longer than cockroaches." Longer than cockroaches! Now that's a sell. This knuckle dustered cache of apocalyptic weapons must have a collective immune system of steel!...

Check it out

Zombie Head Bowling Balls

Zombies really have taken over the world, huh? Or at least the free market economy. The clever German capitalists who designed this introduction of the omnipresent living dead to the bowling alley made a good move though....

Buy Now

Great City Maps

$21.14 from Amazon »

"Anytime I feel lost, I pull out a map and stare. I stare until I have reminded myself that life is a giant adventure, so much to do, to see." Know who said that? It wasn't Christopher Columbus, or Mark Twain, or Rick...

Check it out

Zombie Gnomes: Bye Bye Birdie

$37 from Etsy »

This is what we call an imperfect synergy. In the battle of the two tackiest, yet most often seen yard decorations (no offense fake plastic deer), it looks as if the gnomes have won. And it was bloody. Zombie gnomes 1...

Check it out

In Case Of Cabinets

$200 from In Case Of »

In case of a zombie, vampire, werewolf, or demon emergency take this tiny sledgehammer, break the glass, and prepare to fight for your life. Or run like a girl while tossing Holy Water over your shoulder. In Case Of cabinets...

Check it out

Map of the Internet

$36.95 from Zazzle »

Jay Simons: student; amateur graphic designer; Slovakian; Internet cartographer. If the Web were divided into land masses, grouped along lines of latitude and meridians and flattened into a map on your desk, what would...

Check it out

Zombie Tools

$189.95 - $574.95 from Zombie Tools »

Am I tired of zombies? Mmm...not really. Am I tired of ominous-looking, exceptionally hand-smithed swords and knives and machetes with blades sharp enough to slice through 24 cans of PBR in one blow (and a few tries)?...