59

Santaur Ornament

By: on December 05, 2014
$13.73
Check It Out

Looks like the reindeer are out of a job. Santaur can fly his own damn sleigh, what with this new quad of furry legs and a pile of Greek mythology backing him now. Also new to the Santa Claus table: guns and a 6-pack. Dude finally looks ready to trade in the 5-year-old lap sitters for the 35-year-old MILF lap siters. I hear he's hung like a horse too, ladies.

Santaur, in the running for Most F'd Up Christmas Tree Ornament of 2014, stands 6" tall and is made of glass. Due to the Dr. Frankenstein procedures he has undergone, this Claus can also stand on its own, as your holiday dinner centerpiece, in addition to dangling from the evergreen.

Buy Now

Deadpool Christmas Tree Ornaments

$30.19 from Amazon »

These Deadpool Christmas tree ornaments will look right at home dangling alongside the Bob Ross Funko Pop figure classing up my mantle. 'Tis the season for happy little trees and Deadpool 2 trailers....

Buy Now

Feisty Pets Santa Bear

$29.84 from Amazon »

Remember Feisty Pets? The sweet-to-snarling stuffed animals are celebrating the holiday season with a Feisty Santa Bear, the ultimate cuddly teddy who can turn vicious grizzly in the blink of an eye. Or, more accurately...

Buy Now

The Christmas Car Tree

$99.95 from Amazon »

If your wife won't let you Clark Griswald it up with a 20' Christmas tree in the house, take your desire to overdo it exuberant holiday spirit on the road with a Christmas Car Tree. The rooftop tannenbaum gives your car...

Check it out

Santa Jumpsuit

[Insert Sit on Santa's Lap Joke Here.]...

Check it out

Secret Santa Gift Guide

In most cases, Secret Santa participation merely perpetuates the exchange of crap. Reindeer doilies, Dilbert mugs, giant jars of Brach's assorted hard candies, nothing that will stick around more than 24 hours before...

Check it out

Land Shark Sculpture

$180 from Uncommon Goods »

Shark Week might excite, amaze, and terrify for 7 days, but the Land Shark lawn ornament will do it all. year. long. Tucson Artist Chris Crooks smiths his Great Whites of the back yard by hand from 16-gauge cold rolled...

Check it out

Life-Size Animated Talking Reindeer

$5,400 from Frontgate »

The idea of Dasher, a life-size reindeer that talks and moves, is decent, but, uh...did they have to give him the voice of Ross Matthews? MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Let's hang pink and purple stockings! At least that's...

Buy Now

Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

$14.49 from Amazon »

They say this Charlie Brown Christmas Tree is a nice reminder that the holidays are all about love, but I say it's an even nicer way to eliminate the time, hassle, and mess it takes to buy and put up a real tree. What...

Check it out

Ug It Up for Santa: Top 10 Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Ahhhh, nothing screams, "Merry Christmas!" like synthetic fabrics, tacky embroidery, seizure-inducing patterns, and colors insulting to nature. Here are my picks for most awesomely uggiest of the ug, the Top 10 Ugly Christmas...

Check it out

Outdoor Boulder Cushions

$510 from Bellissimo »

Ronel Jordaan and her estrogen-driven staff hand spin these near optical illusions from 100% Merino wool. The strikingly realistic woolen mammoths epitomize haute minimalist design, with the unexpected perk of being plush...

Buy Now

Second Skin Santa Bodysuit

Sold Out from Amazon »

If your kids are afraid of Santa the jolly bearded fat man, just dress up as Santa the faceless creeper in the second skin bodysuit and show them what real terror is. Ho, ho, ho, an ocelot ate my face! Now I spread Christmas...

Check it out

Yoda Xmas Tree Topper

$59.95 from NeatoShop.com »

Not sure how this new arrangement is going to fly in heaven. Hypothetical: Who would win in a battle between an army of Yodas with LED light sabers and a squadron of angels with golden-bladed halos blessed by God?...