Christopher Walken Taxidermy

By: on February 15, 2013

I can't think of a better way to greet my guests, guard my house, and make myself feel perpetually on the brink of getting the shit kicked out of me than the mounted head of Christopher Walken. The most disturbing former Broadway actor ever once said, "I like to go to work, and also, I don't have any kids. I don't have any hobbies. I don't like to travel. So going to work is kind of it." So I hope he enjoys his new job as a decapitated head living above my fireplace. At least I know there aren't any kids (potential bastards notwithstanding) out there who will miss him. Hollywood and Saturday Night Live will sure miss him though. They've probably made more money off of his cowbell line than every word that hack Tom Hanks has ever muttered during one of his hosting gigs.

In honor of his turn at taxidermy, here are a few of Walken's best movie quotes:

  • From Pulp Fiction: "The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any of the slopes were gonna get their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you."
  • From The Deer Hunter: "Did you hear about the happy Roman? He was G-L-A-D-I-A-T-O-R!"
  • From King of New York: "I thought about you every time I jerked off, dickhead."
  • From Joe Dirt: "You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron."

Walken taxidermy is hand-sculpted by Rocco Tartamella in Casteline and measures 9-1/2" long x 6-1/2" wide. He arrives in an off-white casting, and presumably can be painted in rainbow colors to match his sunny disposition.

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