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Dyson Cinetic Big Ball Self-Righting Vacuum

By: on September 08, 2016
$544
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Dyson has always been known for sucking hard and long. And their new Cinetic Big Ball vacuum contains 36 Dyson Cinetic tips that separate the microscopic dust they say clogs other vacuums, and upholds the company's never-lose-suction guarantee. But for me, this canister vacuum's best trick is its ability to self-right when it topples over.

When you're dragging a whirring, vrrroooming machine full of dirt, cat, and girlfriend hair behind you, there is a 100% change you're going to bump it into a wall. Or a chair leg. Or a cat. Or a girlfriend. Rather than stopping, dropping, and halting all cleaning progress until you put down the arm and turn the vacuum upright again, Dyson has designed the Cinetic Big Ball pick its own damn self back up.

This vacuum also eschews filters and bags that get dirty beyond even Pig-Pen's belief for Dyson-engineered dust separation powers and a dirt ejector that pushes out trapped dust and debris as you empty, so you'll never need to touch the dirt. At around $600, here's hoping the Cinetic Big Ball proves to be as grand in action as all Dysons do in investment.

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SpinX Toilet Cleaning Robot

$198 - $249 from SpinX »

Cleaning the toilet. A chore so crappy that when I was in college my housemates and I agreed to just not do it. Ah the nights of too much tequila and Taco Bell that could have benefitted from the SpinX. A robot that cleans...

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Rocket Air Blaster

$11.16 from Amazon »

At first I was excited about the Rocket Air Blaster because I thought it was an updated version of the Stomp Rocket. Or maybe a handheld Stomp Rocket that shot its red lipstick right into my friend Cornelius' earhole...

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Spaghetti Scrubs - Soap-Free Sponges

$19.95 from Amazon »

Spaghetti Scrubs mark my first holiday purchase of the year: a soap- and stink-free dish, cookware, and kitchen utensil cleaner I will give as a gift for Mom (uh, spoiler alert, Mama.) The sponge substitutes get high...

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Polaris Sportsman WV850 - Airless Tire ATV

$14,999 from Polaris »

We previously saw the RZR XP 1000, another feral vehicular pursuit by Polaris. It's more of a brutish, free-wheelin' dozer used for good times barreling along the off-roads and across jagged terrain--an ATV stallion....

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eCool 3 Feet Under Cooler

$349 from eCool »

All this cooler needs to keep beer cold is a shovel and 3 feet of ground. So, yeah. Throw one eCool in the bug out bag, Mama! Buried in the earth (and optionally also through a cut-out in wood decking or a concrete patio)...

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Dyson Cyclone Belt Coffee Machine

Dyson keeps your life clean, cool, and now--if Jaehyo Lee's concept for a coffee maker comes to percolation--caffeinated. The Dyson Cyclone Belt Coffee Machine repurposes the technology of Dyson's vacuum cleaners and...

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FoldiMate Robotic Laundry Folder

$700 - $850 from FoldiMate »

Really? Really?! Am I so lazy that I'm willing to spend $800 on a machine that will fold my laundry? Pssshhh! I don't think so....

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OXO Good Grips Electronics Cleaning Brush

$4.99 from Amazon »

Help me, help me, it's the 2-Headed Monster! That's what dirt and dust will be saying when they see the OXO Good Grips Electronics Cleaning Brush coming for them. This double-sided cleaning tool tidies up phones, computers...

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Brush Hero Water-Powered Detail Brush

$29.99 from Amazon »

You can Brush Hero your car tires, you can Brush Hero your bike tires. You can Brush Hero your headlights and all the bits under your hood. You can Brush Hero your dirty grills and your dirty flower pots and your dirty...

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Ziesel Offroad Driving Chair

$30k from Der Ziesel »

Dude. I don't know. Maybe it's a sweet ride when you're in the driver's seat, but as an onlooker, all I see when I look at Der Ziesel's offroad monster chair is Grandpa making a breakaway. Grandpa barreling up the Alps....

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Safe Eyes Mesh No-Fog Safety Goggles

$28.99 from Amazon »

The dust is kicked up from here to next Tuesday! The fit's hitting the shan! Save yourself from unidentified flying objects! Safe Eyes Mesh Safety Goggles won't help when the figurative dust and fit, or alien-inhabited...

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Eruption Disruption Volcano Microwave Cleaner

$19.99 from Amazon »

You could spend 30 minutes placating your erupting mama by scrubbing out the microwave with dish soap and steel wool after you accidentally think it takes 5 minutes to melt butter, and reheat her homemade marinara sauce...