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AirRam - High-Power Cordless Vacuum Cleaner

By: on January 17, 2014
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Sometimes when I look into a bagless vacuum canister filled with dirt and hair I experience a sense of grotesque pleasure. Like, look at that vile mess I made, and hats off to the vacuum that cleaned it up. The Gtech AirRam doesn't have a canister for collecting my filth though. Instead, this high-powered cordless gazelle of the tidying world compacts the droppings it collects into compressed "bricks" of dirt. Hmmm.... That might be even better. That might preclude spillage and dust clouds. It might also be the perfect pest deterrent to drop on my neighbor's smug white Eskimo dog that keeps taking a crap outside my bedroom window. Bombs away, Prince Edward III!

In addition to eliminating tanglesome cords, the AirRam weighs only 7.7 pounds--look, even a blonde model with a muscle mass of -5 can hold it in one hand--and is maneuverable enough to glide under beds and couches, as well as access corners and tight spots that normally require attachments. It sustains up to 40 minutes of run time between charges, and sucks formidably with a 22V motor powered by a lithium-ion battery.

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Eruption Disruption Volcano Microwave Cleaner

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You could spend 30 minutes placating your erupting mama by scrubbing out the microwave with dish soap and steel wool after you accidentally think it takes 5 minutes to melt butter, and reheat her homemade marinara sauce...

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FoldiMate Robotic Laundry Folder

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Brush Hero Water-Powered Detail Brush

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You can Brush Hero your car tires, you can Brush Hero your bike tires. You can Brush Hero your headlights and all the bits under your hood. You can Brush Hero your dirty grills and your dirty flower pots and your dirty...

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BAAM! Drain Blaster Cleaner

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No, this is not the kind of BAAM! that spices up your sink drain or toilet bowl. On the contrary, it's the kind of BAAM! you call in when you've already spiced up your sink drain or toilet bowl and need help, uh, unspicing...

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Bambooee Reusable & Washable Paper Towels

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Let me clarify: Bambooees are not at all paper towels, they're bamboo towels. I just named them "Reusable & Washable Paper Towels" because that's how they act. Absorbing crap, cleaning crap, dusting crap, shining crap....

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Avalanche Wheeled Roof Rake for Snow Removal

$129.99 from Amazon »

The Avalanche Wheeled Roof Rake is a tool that reminds me how much I hate doing home maintenance. But since Albie down the street's mama says he's too young to crawl around on my own mama's roof to shovel the snow off...

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The Renegade Broom

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The Renegade isn't likely to make cleanups and yard work more fun, but the thick arched bristles of this curved pull broom should give you more effective, and gratifying results....

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Roll-Up Dish Drying Rack

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This roll-up dish drying rack is for people like me. People who endorse the air-dry method. I mean, I figure if my man parts prefer the gentle cooling effect of evaporating water over getting rubbed down and chafed up...

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Bubba Rope - Vehicle Recovery Rope

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Bubba Ropes are kinetic energy recovery ropes (KERR) originally developed for the military to use in pulling their off-road vehicles out of mud, sand, and snow. Turns out they work just as well when me and my friend Cornelius...

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Pet Power Poo(ch) Vacuum

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The Pooch Power Shovel--essentially a rechargeable dog shit vacuum--may not collect the crap straight from the chute like the Piqapoo, but it still significantly reduces your proximity to and interaction with your buddy's...

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The Stuff Stopper Under-Fridge Bumper

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The Stuff Stopper stops dropped fish eyes, spilt civet poop coffee beans, and that edible dehydrated zebra tarantula that wasn't quite fully dehydrated from scurrying into the abyss beneath your fridge. Install the extendable...