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AirRam - High-Power Cordless Vacuum Cleaner

By: on January 17, 2014
$375.42
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Sometimes when I look into a bagless vacuum canister filled with dirt and hair I experience a sense of grotesque pleasure. Like, look at that vile mess I made, and hats off to the vacuum that cleaned it up. The Gtech AirRam doesn't have a canister for collecting my filth though. Instead, this high-powered cordless gazelle of the tidying world compacts the droppings it collects into compressed "bricks" of dirt. Hmmm.... That might be even better. That might preclude spillage and dust clouds. It might also be the perfect pest deterrent to drop on my neighbor's smug white Eskimo dog that keeps taking a crap outside my bedroom window. Bombs away, Prince Edward III!

In addition to eliminating tanglesome cords, the AirRam weighs only 7.7 pounds--look, even a blonde model with a muscle mass of -5 can hold it in one hand--and is maneuverable enough to glide under beds and couches, as well as access corners and tight spots that normally require attachments. It sustains up to 40 minutes of run time between charges, and sucks formidably with a 22V motor powered by a lithium-ion battery.

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SpinX Toilet Cleaning Robot

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Rocket Air Blaster

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At first I was excited about the Rocket Air Blaster because I thought it was an updated version of the Stomp Rocket. Or maybe a handheld Stomp Rocket that shot its red lipstick right into my friend Cornelius' earhole...

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OXO Good Grips Electronics Cleaning Brush

$4.99 from Amazon »

Help me, help me, it's the 2-Headed Monster! That's what dirt and dust will be saying when they see the OXO Good Grips Electronics Cleaning Brush coming for them. This double-sided cleaning tool tidies up phones, computers...

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FoldiMate Robotic Laundry Folder

$700 - $850 from FoldiMate »

Really? Really?! Am I so lazy that I'm willing to spend $800 on a machine that will fold my laundry? Pssshhh! I don't think so....

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Brush Hero Water-Powered Detail Brush

$29.99 from Amazon »

You can Brush Hero your car tires, you can Brush Hero your bike tires. You can Brush Hero your headlights and all the bits under your hood. You can Brush Hero your dirty grills and your dirty flower pots and your dirty...

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Eruption Disruption Volcano Microwave Cleaner

$19.99 from Amazon »

You could spend 30 minutes placating your erupting mama by scrubbing out the microwave with dish soap and steel wool after you accidentally think it takes 5 minutes to melt butter, and reheat her homemade marinara sauce...

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GrillFloss BBQ Grill Cleaning Tool

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If I can't even be bothered to floss my own teeth how likely is it I'm going to floss my grill? This GrillFloss tool better be reeeeal easy and un-bothersome to use....

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Electrostatic-Generating Silicone Broom

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Give it up for silicone injection technology! The ElectroSilk Electrostatic-Generating Silicone Broom applies everyone's favorite implant and athletic wedding ring compound into everyone's least favorite household cleaning...

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BAAM! Drain Blaster Cleaner

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No, this is not the kind of BAAM! that spices up your sink drain or toilet bowl. On the contrary, it's the kind of BAAM! you call in when you've already spiced up your sink drain or toilet bowl and need help, uh, unspicing...

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Keypad Fix Remote Control Reviver

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Now this looks like a fun project for a Wednesday night. Gather up all of the remote controls with buttons to which I must apply approximately 18 kilonewtons of force* to get to work, and fix them with some goo that looks...

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Bambooee Reusable & Washable Paper Towels

$11.59 from Amazon »

Let me clarify: Bambooees are not at all paper towels, they're bamboo towels. I just named them "Reusable & Washable Paper Towels" because that's how they act. Absorbing crap, cleaning crap, dusting crap, shining crap....