People talk a lot of shit on Twitter. So it was really only a matter of time before the maestros at Collector's Edition fabricated Shitter Toilet Paper, and bestowed the shit talkers with a viable way to put their money--and their asses--where their mouths are. Shitter, just as the name implies, transforms ho-hum TP into classy cotton 2-plys bedazzled with Tweets. Buyers can choose to deck out rolls fit for a porcelain god with their own Twitter feed, or someone else's. Someone's more deserving of spending time up close and personal with complete dicks and assholes. Chris Brown seems to be a prime target for people's shit lately. And would you rather pay $300 for one of Madonna's concert tickets, or $35 to have her wipe your ass? How about the illustrious Kim Kardashian? She's waded through a lot of shit in her days, and actually seems to be pretty good at turning it into a multi-million dollar industry. Though if you've been following Kris Humphries' latest demands and refusals to sign divorce papers, it would seem she's lost her touch when it comes to dealing with shit storms. Maybe better, then, to stick with someone whose resilience has stood the test of time--Charlie Sheen? Mel Gibson?--on those nights when you eat a bad oyster.
Shitter price is for 4 rolls of toilet paper decorated with your own Tweets or Timeline, or someone else's Tweets. Multiple accounts may be incorporated. Online payment is accepted via PayPal. Those wishing to place larger orders for neighborhood TP outings, wedding and birthday shenanigans, or party favors can email Collector's Edition directly at coll.edition at gmail.com.