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Jacuzzi Entertainment System

By: on October 29, 2012

La Scala's pimped-out jacuzzi, termed a "Jetted Entertainment Bath", is just another in a long line of life's Catch-22 creations. It costs $40 grand, so if I could convince the bank to give me a loan for it, I'd probably have to work harder than a back alley hooker for the next decade to pay it off. Yet, the second I settled into one of the the pool of hot bliss' ergonomic loungers, fired up its jets and underwater lighting, and began watching Hot Tub Time Machine on its 43" HD flat screen, all inclination and motivation to work--perhaps even all of the little professional competence I even possess--would evaporate with the jacuzzi's swirling tufts of steam. La Scala, you would complete me, and then you would end me.

So Plan B is to go to rich people's open houses--like the one in the second photo above--and pop a squat in their jacuzzi entertainment systems. I figure I can get in a good 30 minutes apiece before the cops arrive.

The La Scala T630 Entertainment Bath measures 84.375" long x 73.5" wide x 50.625" high, and is available in both black and white. In addition to the HDTV and fancy subsurface seating, it includes amenities such as:

  • A DVD system.
  • A floating remote control. [Sweeeet. That's an hour of entertainment in and of itself.]
  • An energy-efficient, self-draining, double-insulated pump.
  • A patented Silent Air Induction system. [I don't really know what that means, but it kind of makes me think that someone could get rich posthaste if s/he were to invent a Silent Air Expulsion system for humans. Ugh, and dogs.]
  • A slip-resistant bottom. [Phew. Because when I watch Step Up, Step Up 2: The Streets, and Step Up 3D I like to do a little audience participation.]
  • A built-in CD/AM/FM stereo with remote control.
  • A surround sound system.
  • 2 Directionally adjustable foot jets.
  • 2 directionally adjustable body and side jets. [For the ladies.]
  • 6 Fully adjustable PowerPro jets.

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