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Bartesian Capsule Cocktail Machine

By: on August 16, 2015
$299
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Now this is what I'm talkin' 'bout, Willis. Morning coffee from pods and K-cups? How about morning Sex on the Beach...and happy hour Margaritas...and night cap Martinis from the same tiny capsules? With an automated, countertop-sized bartender to mix and pour them all for you? The forthcoming Bartesian is your adult beverage coffee maker; a machine that stores 4 types of hard alcohol and mixes them into an array of perfect, consistent, on-call cocktails with the insertion of a pod and press of a button.

To capitalize on your personal bartender with a plug, fill Bartesian with cocktail base mainstays: gin; rum; vodka; and tequila. The juices, bitters, and liqueurs that round out the machine's repertoire come in marked capsules (as real liquids, not powderized imposters made in a chem lab). Grab the one marked with your cocktail of choice and insert it in the cup holder at the top. Bartesian recognizes the capsule as a Cosmo or Sex on the Beach or whatever your lady friend is giggling and oooohing that she wants to try and gives a prompt for the type of glass it needs you to place under its spout (e.g., lowball with ice). Then select the strength of drink you'd like, from Virgin to Double Shot. Step back. Let your Bartesian work his magic.

At printing, Bartesian was available for pre-order, with an anticipated ship date of April 2016. The initial release will include the cocktail machine and a 12-pack of capsules able to mix 6 different drinks. Bartesian will continue to build its cocktail library, but is starting out with 3 classics and 3 signature drinks. They include: Zest Martini; Cosmopolitan; Sex on the Beach; Margarita; Bartesian Breeze; and Uptown Rocks.

Muchas danke to Manny for the Dude Product Tip.