Alien Spiked Tri-Blade Hand Claw

By: on April 17, 2012
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Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody...but I do got a sick 16 1/2" solid cast metal Alien Spiked Tri-Blade Hand Claw coated in an antique brass and gun-metal finish, which I will shadow box with in front of the mirror, wear while watching the Dothraki go to battle, and use to impale and enjoy green peas one at a time, thus rendering the absence of a significant other inconsequential.

Each of the hand claw's three blades measures 9 chalkboard-gnashing inches, and its body is painted with richly textured scales, the combined effect of which evokes the menacing talons and bloodcurdling serpentine wiles of Sigourney Weaver.