Weapons

Amazon Jungle Survivor Break-Down Spear

$58.99 Amazon »

Wondering what to pack for your upcoming trip to the Amazon jungle? You're in luck, because the Dude has your answers: those underwear you can wash in a sink (or river); bug spray; and an Amazon Jungle Survivor Break-Down...

TOYOGE Knuckle Duster

Discontinued

Fidget toy meets self defense weapon in the TOYOGE Knuckle Duster. Even when you're wearing it, with its bright white-and-black carbon plastic composition, and funky shape covered in textures and imprinted accents, the...

Monster XXXL Balls Chain

$128.90 Etsy »

If you're into getting the payoff without putting the work in, Callum King's Monster XXXL Balls Chain will give you the biggest balls on the planet with no more effort than placing an order and waiting for shipping...

Paladyne E1000MP Drone Jammer

Drone Defence says the Paladyne E1000MP is a drone jammer, part of a series of portable "electronic countermeasures" designed to jack up the command, video, and navigation signals of IIIFOs. Identified, intrusive, and...

VZ Executive Dagger

$85 - $110 Amazon »

The VZ Executive Dagger pokes - stabs, thrusts, drives - through the custom gun grips populating the rest of the VZ Grips store to show off its own fine craftsmanship and beauty as a survival tool and weapon of self defense...

Kung Fu Double Whips

$168.88 Amazon »

Presumably, everybody has gotten their fill of Kung Fu Fighting. So how about for the next song we try our hands at some Kung Fu Double Whipping?...

M48 Cyclone Spear

$107.99 Amazon »

If United Cutlery learned anything from their M48 Cyclone fixed blade knife it's that bigger isn't always better...but it looks pretty damn cool when extended to lengths any serious zombie slayer might covet. Behold the...

Louis Vuitton Slugger

Primal Concepts may be behind the Louis Vuitton Slugger, but this high fashion piece of self defense moves way past a primal concept, right into the 2020 arsenal of Harley Quinn. Or more probably, the Instagram feeds...

Ole Hickory Tire Thumper & Fish Knocker

$32.29 Amazon »

Not sure how many people tire thump of fish knock anymore, but luckily this Ole Hickory Tire Thumper & Fish Knocker is a truly versatile clubbing tool. You can use it for self defense too!...

Primal Concepts Build Your Own Survival Bat

$50 - $210 Primal Concepts »

I knew baseball season was gonna look a little different this year, but I didn't realize it could look Primal Concepts Build Your Own Survival Bat different around the Dude house. Or more like, around the Dude's mama's...

PepperBall VKS Launcher

Sold Out Amazon »

POW! you're...not dead. But down. Courtesy of the PepperBall VKS Launcher, a non-lethal gun created for self defense, and law enforcement and military training...

Tri-Edged Spiraling Dagger Knife

$49.19 Amazon »

If you ever wondered what one might use to stab someone in the back and then twist the knife in the wound, look no further than this tri-edged spiraling dagger knife! Even better, you can look slick as Bond doing the...

Extendable Chinese Tai Chi Sword

$44.99 Amazon »

The usual rule might be no sword fighting in the house, but these are not your usual times, and this extendable Chinese tai chi sword is not your usual weapon. Telescoping with the flick of a wrist from an 8.5" hilt to...

Myers Stick 8" Kubotan

Discontinued

The Myers Stick is an 8" kubotan for self defense and tactical use. And just in case your intent isn't clear to an attacker, or the beer you're about to shotgun, the kubotan has a wicked skull-on-snake design that will...

WASP Less-Lethal Weapon Accessory

Sold Out Amazon »

The WASP weapon accessory is an add-on for your existing 9mm pistol that converts it into a less-lethal self defense option for a single round. The WASP impact baton fits into the gun's barrel and, when fired, shoots...

Stinger Whip Car Emergency Tool

Discontinued

I'm not sure what sort of "car emergency" I'd need an 18" stainless steel construction cable whip for, but OK Stinger Whip. If you want to throw a glass breaker and a seatbelt cutter onto your self defense scourge's kubaton-style...

Terminator Cell Phone Stun Gun

$18.99 Amazon »

"I'll be ba-ZZZZZZT!" There's your Terminator. "New phone, who diZZZZZZT!" There's your cell phone. ZZZZZZT! them together and what do you get? The Terminator Cell Phone Stun Gun...

Condor Tool & Knife Half Spin Thrower Knife Set

$60 Amazon »

One thing I like about the looks of Condor Tool & Knife's Half Spin Thrower Knife Set is the looks of the blades in the above photo. Used. Like they actually do what they say they do, and aren't some crap novelty purchase...

Stun Gun Gloves

Discontinued

Nothing communicates strength and confidence better than a firm handshake. Except, perhaps, a weak handshake administered by a hand wearing one of these stun gun gloves. Holy BZZZZZZT! Batman! I thought I'd seen my #1...

Ballistic Dart Launcher

Sold Out Amazon »

GlobalEDC is quick to point out that their ballistic dart launcher "IS NOT A TOY! MUST BE 18 YEARS OR OLDER TO PURCHASE." However, the company continues, those who do order the button-operated dart shooter can use it...

12" Saber Claws - Karambit Swing Blades

Discontinued

Formidable Saber Claws individually, but when the forces of these powerful 12" karambit swing blades join, they form the mighty Voltron! A precious heart!...

Pepperem Llama - World's Cutest Pepper Spray

$35 Pepperem »

Who's going to disagree with Pepperem's designation of their Llama self defense keychain as "World's Cutest Pepper Spray"? Not this dude. In fact, the llama-shaped pepper shooter is moving straight from here to my collection...

Beretta Signal Set

New to my list of Things That Make You Go Awww: the Beretta Signal Set, a 2mm pinfire gun that, despite its miniature status, shoots more than just a flag that says Bang!...

BolaWrap 100 Handheld Remote Restraint Device

What's this, BolaWrap? Taser meets...lasso?! Sign me up! ... Er, on the delivering, not the receiving end, please...