A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear, Novelties and Zombies    * Updated daily

Weapons

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Friday, June 14, 2013
Zombie Tools
$189.95 - $574.95 from Zombie Tools »

Am I tired of zombies? Mmm...not really. Am I tired of ominous-looking, exceptionally hand-smithed swords and knives and machetes with blades sharp enough to slice through 24 cans of PBR in one blow (and a few tries)? Definitely...

Sunday, June 09, 2013
SAR12 Paintball Sniper Rifle

Excuse me, sirs of Carmatech Engineering, but are you sure this so-called paintball sniper rifle shoots only balls of paint, and not balls of, like, lead? Oh, is that so? Yeah, OK, that makes sense. The SAR12 Sniper shoots...

Monday, May 27, 2013
M4 180lb Tactical Crossbow
$349.99 from Tactical Tech Zone »

Stealth. Stamina. Sniper sight. And that's just the M4 Tactical Crossbow itself. Like, before taking into account the litany of powerful, valiant, not-to-be-F'd-with characteristics Cornelius and I will bring to the table while using it. The trusty hunter's second in command comes fully loaded with a scope, red dot sight, LED flashlight, and Blue SWAT light attachments, as well as a magazine with...

Monday, December 24, 2012
Custom Made Lightsabers
$129 - $499 from Etsy »

Be advised: Although Phillip Isherwood's custom crafted lightsabers blaze LED spectral force fields of green, red, or blue and arrive with 36" long polycarbonate blades designed for full speed, full contact dueling, he wants...

Sunday, March 18, 2012
Double Barrel Pistol

The AF2011-A1 Double Barrel Pistol is a first on two counts. It's the first ever double barrel semiautomatic pistol manufactured for sale (not available yet, but on deck for Fall 2012). And, after getting a load of the "Twenty...

Thursday, February 23, 2012
Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit
$349 from Gerber Gear »

Are you prepared to fight for the survival and integrity of family, friends, and the human race in apocalyptic combat with the ambulatory dead? In other words, do you want to buy a 7-piece set of gut-ripping knives and sick machetes? Just like zombie slayers Rick Grimes and Co. use on The Walking Dead? Gerber gear hopes so and, on March 5, 2012, will begin shipping its Zombie Apocalypse Survival...

Sunday, August 19, 2012
Portable Survival Rifle

"Don't leave civilization without one." It's the motto of the US Survival AR-7, a semi-automatic portable rifle that weighs a mere 3-1/2 pounds and measures in at 16-1/2" long when broken down and stowed in its waterproof...

Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Sap Cap - Weaponized Baseball Hat
$15 from Amazon »

Unassuming. Low-profile. Comfortable. Able to shatter wrist bones. Just the combination of qualities I've been looking for in a baseball hat. The Sap Cap takes traditional headwear to the covert weapon level with its pellet-filled...

Sunday, February 24, 2013
Brite Strike Tactical Balls
$54.99 from Amazon »

Disorienting, blinding, and giving people seizures all serve as excellent forms of distraction during attempts at self-defense and ploys to make off with the $80 giant peanut butter cup cake. Brite Strike's Tactical Balls...

Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Shock & Awe Zombie Killer Knife
Sold Out from Amazon »

If you missed out on the Chain Link Zombie Slayer Axe, console...and arm...and shock & awe yourself with this sick little zombie killing knife. Combining the functionality of a kitchen cleaver and the intimidating aesthetics...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Sunday, May 13, 2012
Aliens M41A Pulse Rifle - Fully Functional
$1,795 from Etsy »

You look at the replica M41A Pulse Rifle from Aliens, its fully adjustable metal stock and removable magazine, and wonder, Is it real? It looks real. It's the right shape. It's...huge...definitely the right size. It moves...

Sunday, June 02, 2013
Handmade Damascus Steel Daggers
$75 - $1,200 from Etsy »

DCIllusion hand forge and finesse their blades from damascus steel, their handles from the likes of bone, horns, and brass, and their designs from the combined imaginations of the world's best LARPers. Each of the two dozen...

Saturday, April 13, 2013
Chain Link Zombie Slayer Axe
Discontinued

Blacksmith Stephen Heeney designed and welded this chain link axe himself. He does not recommend using it to chop wood. He recommends using it to hack the ever loving viral entrails and decaying brain matter out of zombies....

Thursday, March 08, 2012
Jagdkommando Knife
$799.95 from Blade HQ »

If you're looking to stab someone in the back, knife them in the heart, or just royally screw them over, Microtech's MCT1057 Jagdkommando fixed blade knife is the definitive way to do it. A version of the manufacturer's Marfione...

Monday, July 16, 2012
Z.E.R.O. - Zombie Apocalypse Kit
$23,999 from Optics Planet »

OK, zombiologists, conspiracy theorists, slaves to sci-fi, and keepers of the Boy Scout motto, it's time to put your $24,000 where your mouth is. OpticsPlanet has assembled a stunning and formidable sprawl of zombie apocalypse...

Sunday, March 10, 2013
Apocalypse Tactical Tomahawk
$32.21 from Amazon »

This is what I have to say about the Apocalypse Tactical Tomahawk: sometimes, God does man a favor. Such as when He allows him to conceive and actualize pasties. Two nights in a row now, I've attended functions that randomly...

Wednesday, February 13, 2013
The Peacemaker - Nightstick Stun Gun
Sold Out from Amazon »

Peacemaker sounds noble. Civil. The Ned Stark approach. Which also connotes decapitation of he who bears the peace. When we're discussing a nightstick charged with 6,000,000 volts of blood-buzzing electricity, Peaceforcer...

Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Pocket Artillery
$34 from Amazon »

This, unbelievably, is exactly what the name suggests, a mini desktop cannon that fires standard BBs. And, it's pretty damn cool. You really need to watch the video to see it in action. I'm certain this will be used for nefarious...

Saturday, January 28, 2012
Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun
$36.97 from Amazon »

When it comes to delivery method, punching someone in the face has three tiers of awesome: 1) Bare fist; 2) Fist coated in brass knuckles; 3) Fist coated in brass knuckles juiced up to deliver 950,000 volts of blue lightning...

Monday, February 04, 2013
Carbon Fiber Daggers
$65 - $85 from Carbon Fiber Gear »

The Escort series of carbon fiber daggers is not meant for cutting. It's meant for stabbing. That statement did not even stem from my powers of deduction, but directly from the manufacturer's literature. Aerospace grade woven...

Friday, April 06, 2012
Super Shorty Shotgun
$705 from Serbu Firearms »

The Super Shorty Shotgun is based on a Mossberg Maverick 12-gauge, and, at an additional cost, is also available in models Mossberg 500, Remington 870, and Lil' Kim. Factory-fabricated with a pistol grip, the Super Shorty...

Tuesday, November 20, 2012
ZDay Blades & Bludgeons
$75 - $945 from Etsy »

In the words of the great Missy Elliott's lyrical masterpiece "Ching-A-Ling", "This is serious maaannnn!" Etsy vendor ZDay Survivor's extensive collection of hand-chiseled, zombie-eradicating blades and bludgeons don't just...

Thursday, October 11, 2012
Self Defense Shoelace Inserts
$10.48 from Amazon »

Fury's Tactical Kuba-Kickz is a lightweight plastic, spiked insert that fits between the weave of shoelaces and serves as a--how do you say?--balls-on accurate, devastatingly effective, though non-lethal self defense tool....

Monday, April 08, 2013
Unbreakable Slugger Umbrella
$119 - $199.95 from Amazon »

Look at that dude standin' on his umbrella! Aw snap, he just wailed on an 80-pound heavy bag with it. Holy crap, now he used it to hack up a watermelon! That's sufficient enough evidence for me to believe the Unbreakable Umbrella...

Saturday, February 04, 2012
Brutus the Bulldog Self Defense Keychain
$7.94 from Amazon »

Add some extra spice to your knuckle sandwich. On a typical day, Brutus the Bulldog simply tricks out the keys to your Honda Civic. But on the day you leave the Civic at home, and get jumped walking home from the bar, Brutus'...

Friday, December 23, 2011
Tactical Bleeding Zombie Target
$89.95 from Zombie Industries »

Target practice with human targets seems so cruel (although practical since most of the time it's other people that are getting shot). Why not practice drilling holes in things that are already dead and will probably at some...

Thursday, September 20, 2012
Railroad Spike Knives
Discontinued

Blacksmith Jeremy Duke has four things to say about his Railroad Spike Knives. They are 1) forged for our pleasure and 2) predominantly novelty items, but 3) can be used to F someone up as a weapon, although he makes them...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Zombie Ammunition

when preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse the present has no rival in terms of when to prepare. Look people, they're coming. And if you wanna survive, you're gonna need some ammo capable of killing zombies. Thankfully...

Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Yellow Jacket - iPhone Stun Gun Case
$100 from indiegogo »

In an act of retaliation against its relegation to the uncomfortably jarring vibrate setting, the iPhone has summoned the Yellow Jacket, and plans to return the favor. In the form of a body-rocking 650,000 volts. The Yellow...

Monday, April 30, 2012
Blade Driver Crossbow

Ornery watermelons, prepare to meet your fate. Tactical tinkerer, and Laser Glove creator, Patrick Priebe's Blade Driver crossbow launches whirling buzz saws at all deserving targets, but especially those that are mealy, not...

Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Glow-in-the-Dark Crowbar
$49.99 from Glowbar Inc. »

One thing that sucks about using a crowbar to beat someone up in a dark alley is the dark alley part. How are you supposed to tell if it's really connecting with the intended's face and other vital organs, or just delivering...

Friday, August 26, 2011
Iron Reaver Finger Claw
Sold Out from Amazon »

The real question is... can you wear one of these out in public? These are sharp, flexible and the perfect finishing touch to a catwoman outfit. Or they'd be great for slicing up intruders that break in your apartment at night...

Sunday, November 11, 2012
Baseball Bat Flashlight
$35.95 - $45.95 from SuperiorMCSupply »

A swing and a miss no more. Not with 140 Lumens of LED light pouring from the tip of your baseball bat. Available in compact, but business-takin'-care-of 15-1/2", and say-goodbye-to-the-bones-in-your-face 23-1/2" models, the...

Tuesday, July 03, 2012
Four-Barrel Underwater Dart Gun

As we prepare to honor the USA with a day of drinking beer, eating potato salad, dinking around with bottle rockets, and setting fire to the sky, the Four-Barrel Underwater Dart Gun would like to remind us we should also raise...

Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Crovel Tactical Shovel
$109.99 from GearUp »

"Crovel", like "spork", is a portmanteau word. It combines "Shovel" and "Crap! I'm gonna get impaled, sawed, and scooped all at once!" GearUp's latest in a respectable line of survival tools, the Crovel Tactical weighs only...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Blood Rayne Arm Blade
$15.95 from Amazon »

Although Agent BloodRayne used a similar arm blade to exterminate vampires, this non-digitized replica is made of stainless steel, not silver, so it will be of little assistance in your mission to annihilate Edward Cullen...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Mace Pepper Spray Gun
$42 from Amazon »

Good news, Ralphie Parker. The whole point of the Mace Pepper Gun is to shoot an eye out. Using patented Bag-in-a-Can technology--ooh, that sounds...the opposite of intimidating--the pistol's system enables loaded cartridges...

Sunday, September 25, 2011
Ninja Hand Claw Climbing Tigers Spikes
$14.64 from Amazon »

Perfect for the aspiring ninja or make believe superhero, these will have you scaling trees in your backyard in no time. Made from pure black stainless steel. Just be careful you don't hurt yourself. Being a ninja is a tough...

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