Extendable Chinese Tai Chi Sword
The usual rule might be no sword fighting in the house, but these are not your usual times, and this extendable Chinese tai chi sword is not your usual weapon. Telescoping with the flick of a wrist from an 8.5" hilt to a 35.5" fully extended stainless steel sword, the tai chi training tool has a blunt edge, and is made for practitioners of the martial art - especially beginners - to develop their skills without adding a patient to the world's overwhelmed ERs.
It will still knock over the hand-blown glass cat figurine your wife bought at an artisan's shop in Vienna though.
If you're considering learning a new skill, and particularly a new fighting skill, tai chi's Taoist roots and options for building strength and power through slow, thoughtful, perhaps more living-room-friendly movements, is a pretty good choice.
And whether you use it to practice tai chi, or just regale your wife with Inigo Montoya impersonations, the extendable Chinese tai chi sword looks like a real swell companion for a Saturday afternoon.