Soft Claws for Cats - Anti-Scratching Aid

By: on February 13, 2014
$9.99 - $15.02
Check It Out

Listen, I approve of anything that will prevent a cat from slashing up my face just because I had the nerve to pet it after it came and laid down on my head. But I feel like some crazy cat people...well, let's call them animal advocates...are not going to like these Soft Claws, which glue onto cats' nails to prohibit them from scratching up furniture and human skin. But we'll leave the negativity and anti-Soft Claw manifestoes to them. Here I will relay their glorious uses and benefits.

1. Protect your face, neck, chest, arms, belly, legs, any anatomical component capable of outputting blood from getting pounced, hooked, gouged, or otherwise punctured. Rejoice in your newfound freedom from fear, and work on counteracting the Pavlovian response you've developed of mummifying yourself in a wool blanket every time The Cat enters the room.

2. Protect priceless 18th century furniture and textiles from destruction at the wretched nails of a cat you otherwise like alright. Also protect normal, and even cheap furniture and textiles, that you don't particularly like but that are all you've got.

3. Make your cat look like it has painted toenails. Ladies, I know those of you who enjoy dressing up your pets will dig this Soft Claw bonus perk. The nail caps come in, like, a million colors. Including glitter! If you buy a few packs I bet you can give your cat a rainbow pedicure! Men, while a cat pedicure may not directly appeal to you, the fact that rainbow toes are going to make Dagger Toes look like an enormous jackass just might. I know I'm a supporter.

4. Soft Claws are actually a simple, non-surgical, and far more humane alternative to the ultimate evil inflicted upon cats: declawing.

Standard caps come in packs of 40, and include adhesive and 6 applicator tips, plus instructions for use. Once in place, Soft Claws should last 4 to 6 weeks, and should not interfere with cats' normal behavior. Except good luck with that scratching post, Mr. Whiskers.


Muchas danke to Tiputopia.

Check it out

$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat


The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds...

Buy Now

Wolverine Style Hand Claw Dagger

Sold Out from Amazon »

What the WTF Amazon? You're in the weapons trade now? These costume-y looking hand claws have real blades of razor-sharp, 8.75-inch, 440C stainless steel, which make them exponentially and disturbingly more portentous...

Check it out

Cat Battle Armor

$500 - $520 from Etsy »

Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...

Buy Now

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

$10.80 from Amazon »

A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...

Check it out

Samurai Pet Armor for Cats & Dogs

Don't let that samurai-armored Shiba Inu's smile fool you. The dog is ready for feudal Japan levels of combat. See his samurai sword? Hiding there in his mouth? If I were you I'd armor up, find a weapon, and brace yourself....

Buy Now

Laser Engraved Cat Rolling Pin

$23.99 from Amazon »

Meow-meow, meow-meow, meow-meow, meow-...chomp! Mmmm, nothing like a buttery bite of shortbread kitteh! You might say this laser engraved cat rolling pin is for cat people. Or, you could make an argument that it's for...

Check it out

Your Pet's Nose Ring

$284.99 from Etsy »

I'm all for loving your pet...and your pet's nose. But your pet's nose as a ring? Even if the sweet pup or kitty has moved on to taller trees and bigger litter boxes, I'm not sure wearing a sterling silver cast of their...

Check it out

Taxidermy Animal Drones

When I first read about, but hadn't yet seen, Copter Company's taxidermy animal drones I though they just sounded kinda goofy. Then I got a look at the Orvillecopter here. A spread-eagle taxidermied quad-cat-ter flying...

Check it out

TigerLady Self-Defense Claw

$29 from TigerLady »

Remember that old Secret deodorant commercial? Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman? I'd put TigerLady in that same category. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman...to slash, gouge, and rip apart any...

Buy Now

Exploding Kittens Card Game - NSFW Edition

$15.99 from Amazon »

Unlike run-of-the-mill kitten explosions, Exploding Kittens: NSFW Edition contains content that is not suitable for your workplace or children. And even though no one seems to be saying it, I'm guessing a card game featuring...

Check it out

Oscillot Cat Containment System

On first viewing of the Oscillot video you might think installing one of the spinning paddle perimeters along the top of your fence is like building a prison for your cat. Condemning him to being that inmate who gets...

Check it out

Iron Throne Cat Bed

$198 from Etsy »

Is your cat the rightful heir to the FELIRON THRONE? A bright spot in my week of Game of Thrones withdrawal (2019? 2019?!) Kate Agafonova's Iron Throne Cat Bed invites kitties from all families - royals, wardens, lords...