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Nightstand Dog House

By: on March 04, 2014
$499.95 - $599.95
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This nightstand with a built-in dog house looks swell until you see it with the dog closed inside. Then it looks like a solitary confinement chamber used for enemy spies. And even if your dog chews and pees on things in such a way that merits solitary confinement in a dark and forlorn space right next to your gigantic, cushy bed, I can't get behind the concept. I've always had a soft spot for dogs*, even the ones who are assholes. They're loyal and dopey and, unlike children, never complain about what you feed them and can be left alone in the car for long periods of time.

So if I got a nightstand dog house...and a dog...I would always leave the door open and never force him to go inside if he didn't want to. And if the space remained vacant for several days with no sign of his taking interest, I would just convert its usage from dog house to porn organizer. Even the Medium-sized nightstand runs 26-1/2" high x 25" wide x 29-1/2" deep. I could jam at least 50 magazines and a couple dozen DVDs in there.

Nightstand dog houses also come in Large and X-Large sizes, measuring 31-1/2" high x 25" wide x 35-1/2" long respectively. Two colors are available in each, Espresso or Mahogany.

*Except pugs. I think I have been clear over the past couple of years that I hold pugs in very low esteem. And really, they are more rat-like vermin than dog, so technically I can still say I like all dogs and not be called a liar when I have to dropkick some tubby middle-aged lady's pug for eating the hunk of mayo-laden bacon that dropped out of my sandwich on the bench outside of Subway, and then hacking it back up on my shoe.

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The Dude Dog Sweater

$49 - $59 from Pendleton »

If The Dude were a dog, there's no question this Pendleton sweater is what he'd wear. But. What kind dog would he be while wearing it? St. Bernard? Shar-Pei? Scruffy hound dog?...

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Your Pet's Nose Ring

$284.99 from Etsy »

I'm all for loving your pet...and your pet's nose. But your pet's nose as a ring? Even if the sweet pup or kitty has moved on to taller trees and bigger litter boxes, I'm not sure wearing a sterling silver cast of their...

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No More Woof - Dog to Human Translator

$65 - $400 from No More Woof »

From the Nordic Society of Invention and Discovery--yes, that's a real society, not one made up by Wes Anderson--comes No More Woof, a device that lifts up the latest technology in micro computing and EEG, and plops it...

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Samurai Pet Armor for Cats & Dogs

Don't let that samurai-armored Shiba Inu's smile fool you. The dog is ready for feudal Japan levels of combat. See his samurai sword? Hiding there in his mouth? If I were you I'd armor up, find a weapon, and brace yourself....

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King Bed with Doggie Insert

Discontinued

Jason Barton made a king bed with enough room for the King of the Bed. Which means you'll be sleeping on a cut piece of memory foam stuck in the 23" insert tacked onto its side....

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Wooly Snuffle Foraging & Feeding Mat for Dogs

$49.95 from Amazon »

No, it's not a scalped Fraggle, it's the Wooly Snuffle Mat. Here to facilitate one and restrain another of your dog's instilled canine instincts with its shag-rug-on-acid pile....

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iFetch Automatic Ball Launcher

$115 from Amazon »

iFetch isn't the first automatic ball launcher for dogs, but it's about half the cost of the Go Dog Go, and I am more partial to iFetch's video of the dancing Boston Terrier than I am to Go Dog Go's of the spastic Puggle....

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Ruffwear Highlands Sleeping Bag for Dogs

$99.95 from Amazon »

Ruffwear sure knows how to capture a happy family. Mom. Dad. Baby Doggo in its very own baby doggo sleeping bag nestled in between. Awww, how adorable. Guess who woves their wittle baby doggo!...

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SureFlap Microchip Pet Door

$150 - $170.99 from Amazon »

Tired of the neighbor's cat Willard and his local gang of raccoons letting themselves in your dog door to clean you out of tuna fish and play poker at your kitchen table? Lock them out with SureFlap's Microchip Pet Door...

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Wiener Dog Earplugs

$11.50 from Koncent »

I don't know who let the dogs out, and thanks to these Mimi Pet Nagai Dachshund earplugs I'll never hear anyone else wonder, Who, who, who, who?! again....

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Wild Knight Dog Armor

$367 from Etsy »

Your canine ca-knight in shining armor has arrived! With one caveat: Lebovskiart, the Bulgarian designer of the shining armor, reports that his dog "does not like very much these strange clothes." But for him at least...

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Piqapoo Self-Collecting Poop Bag

$29 - $35 from Piqapoo »

On the one hand, clipping a Piqapoo self-collecting poop bag to your dog's butt exceeds injury cone and Chia Pet costume levels of shaming him. But on the other hand, you've spent the last X years following him around...