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Litter Kwitter

By: on May 05, 2014
$44.95
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Yes, the Litter Kwitter is a real thing. Vendor Firebox, known for their elaborate April Fool's pranks, repeatedly assures us that this seeming 20-pound chocolate Lionel Richie head of cat supplies is not a joke. So now that we have its credibility established, we can move on to discussing how a 3-step training system that teaches cats to pee and poo in human toilets is almost certainly an omen of the End of Days. I give humanity another 2 years max before the felines armor up and take us out in the ApoCATlypse.

Firebox, on the other hand, deems the Litter Kwitter "the next logical evolution in feline domestication." Developed by animal behaviorists and advocated by the RSPCA (Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals), the system endeavors to make quick and easy work out of focusing cats' natural instincts to teach them to do their business on the pot. Presuming owners are diligent and successful in this training, the result would be an obliteration of their home's smelly and vile litter boxes, plus millions of dollars in savings on the pebbly matter that fills them.

The Litter Kwitter package includes a universal base plate for attachment to almost any toilet seat, plus 3 training discs that owners progressively remove as their cats becomes more familiar with relieving themselves on their new, fully-plumbed litter box. Precise training times will depend on a cat's age, temperament, sense of adventure, and intelligence. So as with humans, the old, cranky, anxious, and dumb ones may be lost causes. Litter Kwitter training systems also come with an instructional DVD. I think for the cat trainers, not the cat trainees.

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$20,000 Hypoallergenic Designer House Cat

Discontinued

The Ashera is possibly the only cat that is acceptable for a single male to own. Because it's about the size of an ocelot, and weighs 30 freakin' pounds. And that's 30 pounds of genetically-gifted muscle, not 30 pounds...

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Cat Battle Armor

$500 - $520 from Etsy »

Quick, someone get this cat a lance! He's scheduled to joust one of the guinea pigs from G-Force at high noon and only just finished his battle armor fitting. I don't know if he's ready for this. The pigs have been training...

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Delectables SqueezeUps - Go-Gurt for Cats

$15.76 - $17.99 from Amazon »

I can has creamy tuna Go-Gurt? Yes, cats of the world, thanks to Delectables SqueezeUps, you can. Fire up your tongue and mind your claws because this is how this treat session's gonna go: I hold and squeeze, you lick...

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Taxidermy Animal Drones

When I first read about, but hadn't yet seen, Copter Company's taxidermy animal drones I though they just sounded kinda goofy. Then I got a look at the Orvillecopter here. A spread-eagle taxidermied quad-cat-ter flying...

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On first viewing of the Oscillot video you might think installing one of the spinning paddle perimeters along the top of your fence is like building a prison for your cat. Condemning him to being that inmate who gets...

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Wait! Don't throw away the dog fur you just lint rollered off the couch, or the cat hair you dug out of the vacuum cleaner filter! Stuff that cuddly wad of goodness into a Ziploc and ship it off to Analog Watch Co. They...

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Unlike run-of-the-mill kitten explosions, Exploding Kittens: NSFW Edition contains content that is not suitable for your workplace or children. And even though no one seems to be saying it, I'm guessing a card game featuring...