Gear

Beetl Robotic Poop-Scooper

Beetlpoop, Beetlpoop, Beetlpoop!* When you say the words to the Beetl Robotic Poop-Scooper though, it doesn't make an insolent and conniving dead guy appear, it makes the turds your (perhaps insolent and conniving) dog...

The Choco Flaker

$29.99 from Amazon »

Boska Holland hasn't just done the world a wondrous service in creating the Choco Flaker, they've done it in naming this super swell topping maker the "Choco Flaker." Not that Choco Flaker isn't the most logical name...

Mighty Bright Page Magnifier

$9.59 from Amazon »

Too proud to wear reading glasses? Or no, no, I know. It's not that you need readers, it's just that they made the print in this damn magazine / book / newspaper / crossword puzzle too small. No normal-sighted person...

Derucap Collapsible Disaster Helmet

Duck and cover? Nah, more like Safety Dance ready. The Derucap disaster helmet pops and protects exposed heads from some of the treacherous by-products of earthquakes and other unexpected emergencies, including the impact...

Hot Head Candles

No one can say any of these famous (and infamous) politicians and world leaders (plus Albert Einstein) isn't a hot head when they have a Hot Head Candle wick sticking out of their head...

Don't Be a C*ck Sucker Coffee Mug

$14.99 from Amazon »

Coffee mugs with inspirational messages - my favorite! Coffee mugs with inspirational messages delivered as a clever and colorful rebus - weeee! Best gift for the office ever. This one depicts a rooster with a lollipop...

Unicorn Skeleton

$54.99 from Amazon »

Welcome to the Magical Fairyland...of Death! Add a Unicorn Skeleton to your Halloween decor this year and show all the trick-or-treaters how unicorns were once real, even up until a few years ago, but now they're all...

Glass Skull Beverage Dispenser

Sold Out from Amazon »

Get into the Halloween spirit by serving your Halloween spirits straight from this...Halloween spirit...

Cock Breath Mints

$4.99 from Amazon »

Cock breath is alright, but I think I prefer dick breath. As an insult, I mean. Obviously...

Captain Morgan Hot Sauce Cannon

$14.99 from Amazon »

So...I guess Captain Morgan makes hot sauce? And...decided to attach the bottle to a mock cannon so you can, like, roll out, and fire off the spice at mealtime? Are rum and hot sauce even a thing?...

For Rectal Use Only Stickers

$8.50 from Amazon »

Celebrate Hump Day with a fat roll of "For Rectal Use Only" Stickers! At first I wasn't sure if this 500-strong cylinder of instructional labels was a legit medical supply, or intended for the pranks I'll certainly be...

Stroodles Biodegradable Pasta Straws

$4.25 - $16 from Stroodles »

Sometimes when you've got problems that are real noodle bakers - preserving the environment, slowing climate change, reducing waste - the simple act of baking noodles can help solve them. Stroodles are biodegradable drinking...

Ballistic Dart Launcher

$25 from Amazon »

GlobalEDC is quick to point out that their ballistic dart launcher "IS NOT A TOY! MUST BE 18 YEARS OR OLDER TO PURCHASE." However, the company continues, those who do order the button-operated dart shooter can use it...

Philips Somneo Connected Sleep & Wake-up Light

$214.99 from Amazon »

Philips calls their Somneo Connected "the wake-up light designed to help you sleep." More than just a sunrise-simulating alarm clock, this light therapy lamp has built-in sensors to measure the temperature, noise, light...

Cooking Essentials Travel Kit

$28 from Amazon »

A pinch of salt here, a square of foil there, a fat douse of sriracha on top - it's a gourmet meal in Room 204 at the Motel 6 thanks to the Cooking Essentials Travel Kit from Dash Provisions. Really?...

Shut The Fucupcakes Wipes

$9.88 from Amazon »

What the fucupcakes did I just get all over my hands? Is this batter? Mud my wife's cousin's dog tracked into the kitchen? POO my wife's cousin's kid shat in the kitchen?!...

Chip Fingers Finger Covers

$12.99 from Amazon »

I like storing some flavor for later under my fingernails and in my cuticle beds as much as the next dude, but Chip Fingers might be a useful tool for the times I have to hand out papers in work meetings, or touch my...

Aliens Four Stages of Fear Beer Stein

$129.99 from Amazon »

Egg-->Facehugger-->Chestburster-->Xenomorph. Even at under a foot tall the Aliens Four Stages of Fear Beer Stein lives up to its name in its representation of Xenomorph evolution. I've never felt less inclined...

The Munsters Cuckoo Clock

Sold Out from Amazon »

The Munsters or the The Addams Family? Cuckoo clock or grandfather clock? Halloween or Christmas? If you picked Munsters, cuckoo clock, and Halloween - ta-da! - The Bradford Exchange made a spooky hanging timepiece just...

Before & After 5 Coffee & Wine Glass

$17.99 from Amazon »

Teeheehee and Yukyukyuk, a Before & After 5 Coffee & Wine Glass that goes from morning mug to goblet o' good times with the same flick of the wrist as the hourglass that counts down to get your there...

Adventure Chef Folding Culinary Tool Collection

$49 - $249 from Kickstarter »

Chef Adam Glick cooks on yacht charters, and calls both himself and his new collection of culinary tools the "Adventure Chef." Made in partnership with kitchen knife and tool brand Messermeister, the set gives people...

Boston Dynamics Spot Robot Dog

Boston Dynamics, breeders of Spot the robotic dog, have announced the commercial launch of their versatile, nimble, and sorta scary headless wonder. In other words, you can now contact the Boston Dynamics sales department...

Fries on the Fly Universal Car French Fry Holder

$12.95 from Amazon »

When you're driving, fries on the fly usually means fries between the thighs. Fries on the passenger seat in a giant to-go bag that keeps tilting away from you and surrendering fries to the floor and cracks between the...

Qi Wireless Charging Table with 360 Bluetooth Speaker

Sold Out from Amazon »

Seems like the only time anyone puts their phone down is to charge it*, so wouldn't it be nice if the simple act of setting it on the table got the battery juices flowing, no further action required? Oh hey, a Qi wireless...