A Geek's Gift Guide of Gadgets, Gear, Novelties and Zombies    * Updated daily

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Wednesday, June 12, 2013
The Kitchen Safe - Time-Lock Vice Guard
$29 from Kickstarter »

David Krippendorf invented the Kitchen Safe first to help himself avert caving to unhealthy snack cravings. Usage of the 3-1/2 quart timed lock box soon evolved into housing TV and video game controllers, cigarettes and liquor...

Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Shock & Awe Zombie Killer Knife
Sold Out from Amazon »

If you missed out on the Chain Link Zombie Slayer Axe, console...and arm...and shock & awe yourself with this sick little zombie killing knife. Combining the functionality of a kitchen cleaver and the intimidating aesthetics...

Saturday, March 30, 2013
Bacon Condoms
$9.99 from Bacon Salt »

Bill Gates, you put out an open call. You asked for the "next generation" in condoms. A design that will revolutionize safe sex practices by making the peen sheaths more desirable to wear. Men and birth control in third world countries are particularly considerations. You will award the ideas deemed most applicable and practical $100,000 in grant money for research and production....

Wednesday, February 27, 2013
The Knee Defender
$21.95 from Gadget Duck »

Ye of long legs, take note: though the Knee Defender can't increase the amount of space you have within your sphere of airplane seat misery, it can prevent further reduction of the already minimal square footage. Comprised...

Monday, August 15, 2011
The World's Most Powerful Laser
$299.95 from WickedLasers.com »

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers'...

Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Petcube - Remote Interactive Pet Toy
By: Petcube

Does your pet give you a forlorn look of abandonment that stirs an overwhelming sense of guilt in your heart and makes you feel like a complete a-hole every time you leave the house? More importantly does this typical bundle of canine or feline joy respond to the frustration and boredom of being left alone by pissing all over your $2,500 couch, strewing bacon-fat-soaked paper towels from the trash...

Sunday, June 02, 2013
Handmade Damascus Steel Daggers
$75 - $1,200 from Etsy »

DCIllusion hand forge and finesse their blades from damascus steel, their handles from the likes of bone, horns, and brass, and their designs from the combined imaginations of the world's best LARPers. Each of the two dozen...

Thursday, March 08, 2012
Jagdkommando Knife
$799.95 from Blade HQ »

If you're looking to stab someone in the back, knife them in the heart, or just royally screw them over, Microtech's MCT1057 Jagdkommando fixed blade knife is the definitive way to do it. A version of the manufacturer's Marfione...

Saturday, April 13, 2013
Chain Link Zombie Slayer Axe
Discontinued

Blacksmith Stephen Heeney designed and welded this chain link axe himself. He does not recommend using it to chop wood. He recommends using it to hack the ever loving viral entrails and decaying brain matter out of zombies....

Monday, July 16, 2012
Z.E.R.O. - Zombie Apocalypse Kit
$23,999 from Optics Planet »

OK, zombiologists, conspiracy theorists, slaves to sci-fi, and keepers of the Boy Scout motto, it's time to put your $24,000 where your mouth is. OpticsPlanet has assembled a stunning and formidable sprawl of zombie apocalypse...

If bat shit looked like 1000mW of ice-blue lightning, the S3 Spyder III Arctic Laser would be the physical manifestation of bat shit crazy. As it stands, the world's most powerful laser is just fuckin' nuts. Wicked Lasers' (absolutely, 100% legal) handheld bolt of pure spectral power counts amongst its marketable skills the ability to: Sear through ornery plastic, pop bitch-ass balloons, burn continuously, 24/7, without sustaining damage to its laser diode, function in 9 different operating modes, including Strobe, Constant Wave, SOS, Beacon, and Tactical Hibernation, emit 0.25 Lux of light at a distance of 6,856 meters, turn anyone it hits in the eye at a distance of 149 meters or less into Ray Charles, minus the musical talent and soul.

And if that weren't enough to get it laid every day for the duration of its 5,000+-hour serviceable life, Guinness is currently testing the S3 Arctic for the official title of World's Most Powerful Laser.

The S3 Arctic Series Laser resides in an aircraft grade aluminum chassis that's smaller than a standard flashlight.

Wednesday, February 06, 2013
StormFly - PC for Your Wrist
$59 - $199 from Kickstarter »

A PC for your wrist. A Cloud bracelet. An unassuming, yet hi-tech piece of jewelry called StormFly. With a much bigger emphasis on the hi-tech than the jewelry part. The StormFly is a self-proclaimed Ludicrous Speed storage...

Friday, June 07, 2013
Portable Guitar Practice Tool
$24.95 - $29.95 from PocketStrings »

We need way more products like PocketStrings. Products that allow people to do things that would normally disturb me without disturbing me. The Baby Muzzle was a good start. Now this portable, silent guitar practice tool....

Sunday, March 10, 2013
Apocalypse Tactical Tomahawk
$24.30 from Amazon »

This is what I have to say about the Apocalypse Tactical Tomahawk: sometimes, God does man a favor. Such as when He allows him to conceive and actualize pasties. Two nights in a row now, I've attended functions that randomly...

Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Dead Space Plasma Cutter

Though restricted to 30mW and 1.5W laser rather than actual plasma energy, Patrick Priebe's replica Plasma Cutter from the Dead Space video game series will still singe a block of wood and sear through a trash bag, and make...

Wednesday, February 13, 2013
The Peacemaker - Nightstick Stun Gun
Sold Out from Amazon »

Peacemaker sounds noble. Civil. The Ned Stark approach. Which also connotes decapitation of he who bears the peace. When we're discussing a nightstick charged with 6,000,000 volts of blood-buzzing electricity, Peaceforcer...

Sunday, November 18, 2012
Sleep Suit

If the Ostrich Pillow doesn't provide enough coverage and anonymity for your power naps, how about the patent-pending Sleep Suit? Designed by Architect Forrest Jessee as an experimental medium for testing out Buckminster Fuller's...

Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Pocket Artillery
$34 from Amazon »

This, unbelievably, is exactly what the name suggests, a mini desktop cannon that fires standard BBs. And, it's pretty damn cool. You really need to watch the video to see it in action. I'm certain this will be used for nefarious...

Saturday, January 28, 2012
Knuckle Blaster Stun Gun
$31.48 from Amazon »

When it comes to delivery method, punching someone in the face has three tiers of awesome: 1) Bare fist; 2) Fist coated in brass knuckles; 3) Fist coated in brass knuckles juiced up to deliver 950,000 volts of blue lightning...

Monday, February 04, 2013
Carbon Fiber Daggers
$65 - $85 from Carbon Fiber Gear »

The Escort series of carbon fiber daggers is not meant for cutting. It's meant for stabbing. That statement did not even stem from my powers of deduction, but directly from the manufacturer's literature. Aerospace grade woven...

Tuesday, June 11, 2013
SolePower Device-Charging Insole
$100 - $135 from Kickstarter »

A shoe insole to charge my phone? Crapazola, this is even better than the stationary bike I use to power my desktop PC. SolePower generates juice for cell phones, mp3 players, and GPS devices by the power of the human gait....

Saturday, December 15, 2012
Stick-N-Find Bluetooth Location Stickers
$35 - $290 from Stick-N-Find »

The size of a quarter, the value of your sanity. Stick-N-Find disks attach to any item--keys, luggage, pets--with which you tend to play frustrating games of hide-and-seek on a regular basis. Used in conjunction with their...

Saturday, January 19, 2013
Fruit Infuser Water Bottle
$16.64 from Amazon »

People think I drink only Kool-Aid and sodie pop because I'm immature and unrefined, but really it's because water is such a yawn. I need the excitement and intrigue of carbonation and colors insulting to nature in my beverages....

Monday, March 11, 2013
Keyport Slide 2.0
$64 - $154 from Kickstarter »

The Keyport Slide 2.0 masters the art of consolidation. Consolidation. I like that word. It conjures images of culling junk, making things tidier, increasing manageability and pleasantness. Even when I'm told that we need...

Monday, October 29, 2012
Zero Gravity Recliner
$2,305 from Amazon »

Varier's Gravity balans may not be new, but it remains Zero Gravity Recliner 1.0. The Original. Like Sean Connery as Bond. Like the Swedish version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Like Shannen Dougherty in 90210. An ergonomic...

Sunday, January 27, 2013
Ninja Blocks Ultimate Tech Warrior System
$199 from NinjaBlocks »

The only thing I know about Hackers is that Angelina Jolie makes a hot one, but according to Ninja Blocks, that's enough to qualify me for the job. Of a hacker, not Angelina Jolie. Though I could probably pull off the latter...

Monday, April 08, 2013
The CoCoPen
$49 from Kickstarter »

Hawaiian Tropic sunscreen used to be the best scent on the planet but then they changed the formula and now it just smells like all other sickly sweet girl things that are acceptable only because they are attached to girls....

Thursday, May 23, 2013
K-9 Kannon Ball Launcher
$28.99 from Amazon »

This K-9 Kannon indeed looks like a device over which the dogs slated to retrieve its blasted tennis balls are going to go apeshit. It fires up to 75 feet...consistently, not just those one or two times you really focus and...

Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Romance Pants

Team Instructables, evil geniuses o' Romance Pants, I bow down to your ingenuity and hilarity. The legit player's ultimate accessory, Romance Pants dim a room's lighting and raise its stereo volume when their zip fly is pulled...

Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Rollie Egg Dog Maker
$29.99 from Rollie »

Something about the cylindrical results of the Rollie Eggmaster cooking system makes me a little uncomfortable. Is it that the tube of eggs looks too artificial? Too space agey? Too science projecty? Too anal probey? I can't...

Thursday, June 06, 2013
DropCatch Magnetic Bottle Opener
$40 - $60 from Kickstarter »

The DropCatch magnetic bottle opener pretty much looks like an entire summer's worth of entertainment to me. I might just buy a bunch of shit beer from Oregon that I'd never consider drinking and employ the mounted walnut...

Sunday, April 28, 2013
Star Wars Kink
$30 - $150 from Etsy »

At first I was like, "Huh. Star Wars auction paddles and rhythmic gymnastics ribbons. Ummm...neat?" But then I looked up what BDSM is* and suddenly the gallery of items before me got a lot more interesting. GeekKink's Star...

Friday, December 14, 2012
SPOT - Smartphone-Satellite Connector
$130.04 from Amazon »

I might say I want to go off the grid for a week, but really I mean I want to be away from people and civilization right up to the point that I need the help of people and civilization because I got my leg stuck in a rock...

Friday, April 06, 2012
Super Shorty Shotgun
$705 from Serbu Firearms »

The Super Shorty Shotgun is based on a Mossberg Maverick 12-gauge, and, at an additional cost, is also available in models Mossberg 500, Remington 870, and Lil' Kim. Factory-fabricated with a pistol grip, the Super Shorty...

Sunday, April 21, 2013
Superhero Keyboard Skins
$12 from Etsy »

Superheros and their nemeses covering the keys of my MacBook? Yahtzee! I mean, Shazam! Never before did I realize how boring and uninspired a black-and-white keyboard really is. Thank you, superhero skin genius Killer Duck...

Monday, October 17, 2011
Cube Laser Virtual Keyboard
$101.99 from Amazon »

Fat-fingered iPad and iPhone users rejoice! The Cube Laser Virtual Keyboard, a 63-key QWERTY holograph, projects at full size onto any flat surface, lessening the tediousness of mobile texting and emailing, and helping curb...

Saturday, February 09, 2013
Wallet TrackR
$29 from Wallet TrackR »

Just wait 'til the next dirty thief who tries to jack my wallet finds out I've got the Wallet TrackR. And a Sap Cap. And an extensive history of kicking people in the shins. About the size of a credit card and connected via...

Friday, July 13, 2012
The Lasersaber
$99.95 from WickedLasers.com »

With both Comic-Con 2012 and Dude's S3 Arctic Laser Giveaway in full swing, how could we not bring you this feast of power, this champion of Cosplay, this intergalactic harness of pure Storm Blue or Ghostbusters Green lightning?...

Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Neverending Story Cases
$58.99 - $65.99 from Amazon »

Call my name! Bastian, please! Save us! Did anyone else have trouble deciphering what Bastian actually said when he screamed out the name he had chosen for the Childlike Empress? I must have watched The Neverending Story a...