51

Car Mustache

By: on May 24, 2012
  • Car Mustache
  • Pink & Gray Carstaches
  • Black Carstache on Jeep Truck
  • Carstaches on Lombard St.
$39
Check It Out

Carstache creator Ethan Eyler knows exactly what I'm wondering as I peruse photos of suave mustachioed VWs and Jeeps looking sexier than Burt Reynolds naked on a bearskin rug: Will affixing a mustache to my car change my life? His answer is instant. Yes, he asserts. Having a Carstache will make my life better. Let's explore the reasons why:

  • First and foremost, I won't get slapped anymore when I offer the ladies mustache rides. Probably.
  • When I have a rough day, I will clip on the Orange Firestache and bask in the honks and air fives I get from other drivers during rush hour traffic.
  • When I have to give my kid a hoopdie from Craig's List for her Super Sweet 16, I will ease the blow of 97,000 miles and a wonky rear bumper with a So Hot Pink mess of vehicular facial hair grinning at her from the front grille.
  • When my Aunt Esther dies--and it's got to happen any day now--I will lead the automotive funeral procession with a black Carstache on my Toyota Tundra to lighten the mood, and lift the spirits of those excluded from her will.
  • I will become a pillar of patriotism, sporting the Glorystache for the entire month of July, and part of August, as I blow shit up for Independence Day, and encourage the ruthless annihilation of all other nations during a US rout of the Summer Olympics.

There are currently 8 shades of Carstache available. In addition to those mentioned above, buyers can select Grizzly Brown, Legendary Blond, Purple Pleasure, or Wisdom Gray. Bikestaches are also up for grabs in black and brown ($14).

Check it out

007 Motorized License Plate Masks

$79 - $199.95 from TryDeal »

When and where you use your 007s to play 007 is up to you, but, yes, the motorized license plate masks hide your vehicle's digits at the press of a button and, no, it's probably not a good idea to activate them every...

Buy Now

License Plate Frame Flipper

$155 from Amazon »

The License Plate Frame Flipper automatic mechanism that rotates your license plates at the press of a button. And why would you have 2 license plates you need to alternate between? Uh, because you're the next James Bond....

Buy Now

The Beard Bro Beard-Shaping Tool

$17.79 from Amazon »

Men, are you tired of spending precious minutes in the morning grooming and edging your perfect specimen of manliness (well, the one on your face anyway) only to end up looking like your 6-year-old shaved you after you...

Check it out

The $6,800, 84 MPG Elio

$6,800 from Elio Motors »

Just to calm your immediate concerns, yes, the forthcoming Elio will be available in colors other than Ghostbusters Slimer. An American-made, China-priced 3-wheeler, Elio heralds itself as a next-generation personal transporter....

Check it out

ViperSwiper Side Window Wiper

$19.99 from ViperSwiper »

Your car comes ready to sssswipe the rain and fog off your front windshield, game to sssswipe it off the back, but what about the vissssibility and blind sssspots at your ssssides? ViperSwipers are poly-rubber strip side...

Check it out

End of Days Customs Survival Rides

Discontinued

You want it, you got it. End of Days Customs will bust a move to transform any ride you want into a survivalist's dream and motorized beast ready to Mad Max its way into a post-apocalyptic world. Or just take you van...

Buy Now

LumiSign Custom LED License Plate Frame

$39.99 from Amazon »

Put your name - or your opinions - in lights. The LumiSign is an LED license plate frame that lights up for 3 seconds whenever you brake if you put it on the back of your car, or accelerate if you install it on the front....

Check it out

The Batmobile Jr.

$65k from Epic Vehicles »

Motor trike. Until about 3 seconds ago that term seemingly would have referred to something incredibly lame, wouldn't it? Especially when used in tandem with descriptors such as "electric vehicle" and "eco-friendly"....

Check it out

Legacy Power Wagon

$120k - $170k from Legacy Power Wagon »

The Legacy Power Wagon. As the name suggests, it isn't new, but with only a handful crafted per year--by artisan auto mechanics at Legacy Classic Trucks in Jackson Hole, Wyoming--it remains one of the truck world's most...

Buy Now

Do Your Park Magnets

$12 from Amazon »

We've seen the mostly innocuous You Suck at Parking business cards. And also the more permanent, and thereby more controversial, I Park Like an Idiot bumper stickers. Here we have a midpoint between the two: a-hole parking...

Buy Now

Talelight Modifiable Digital Bumper Sticker

$129.85 from Amazon »

In America, there is no better way to share your love, hate, political leanings, religious beliefs, and philosophical musings than the rear end of your car. (Well, except Facebook.) Talelight makes bumper sticker expressionism...

Buy Now

Star Wars Storm Trooper Electric Shaver

$49.97 from Amazon »

They used the Force Friday on me and all I can see is Star Wars merch! The Storm Trooper Electric Shaver from Philips Norelco is another forthcoming (10/1/17) addition to the Star Wars: The Last Jedi frenzy....