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Bacon Band Aids

By: on August 25, 2011
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$8.17
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It's a well known fact that placing a cold slab of meat over the source of your boo boos helps with the healing process. Get these, keep them in the freezer, and slab them over your paper cuts, scrapes, burns and bullet wounds you weenies.

These babies come in over a dozen variations of craziness. Sushi, pirate, monster, pickle, jesus. Check out the pics!

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Bacon Express Crispy Bacon Grill

$29.50 from Amazon »

Whole wheat in the toaster, bacon in the...other toaster, a yank of the iceberg, a slice of the tomato, and mmmm. BLTeee-licious. Without turning on the stove or getting popped in the eye with a grease BB....

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Bacon Condoms

$9.99 from Bacon Salt »

Bill Gates, you put out an open call. You asked for the "next generation" in condoms. A design that will revolutionize safe sex practices by making the peen sheaths more desirable to wear. Men and birth control in third...

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DryPro Waterproof Cast Covers

$32.51 - $46.19 from Amazon »

I found out about these DryPro Waterproof Cast Covers in the weirdest place last night: an internet ad. Like, a mandatory streaming commercial break during some show She-Ra: Princess of Power was using her dad's cable...

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Hyperice - Recovery of the Future

$79.99 - $119.99 from Amazon »

When I feel a tinge of pain during my engagement in taxing pursuits of physical prowess, such as owning the squash court and attending Zumba classes, I calmly remove myself from the action--no matter how many feisty Latinas...

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Tactical Bacon

$29.03 from Amazon »

I don't really like to shoot to kill--less due to the ethics of felling a majestic beast than the fact that blood and rigor mortis make me squeamish--but I think if given the choice between taking down a deer or taking...

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Osteoid - 3D Printed Ultrasound Cast

Great. Now kids are going to start breaking one another's arms just so they can get a sick 3D-printed cast with attached bone stimulator to set and heal it. I mean, that's what I'd do if I were a kid. OK, maybe with a...

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Bacon Flavored Lube

$11.99 from Bacon Salt »

When we, collectively as Americans, stumble onto something that catches on with the unintelligent majority, we immediately begin the process of running it into the ground. See: The Kardashians, Myspace and... bacon flavored...

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Flexi Freeze Ice Vest

$99.99 from Amazon »

My ex-girlfriend Karen doesn't need a Flexi Freeze cooling vest because the ice in her heart is strong enough to chill her entire chest cavity, but if you do a lot of manual labor, have to wear a heavy costume, or are...

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Buzzy Pain Blocker

$39.95 from Amazon »

Buzzy helps relieve the pain of shots, lab draws, bee stings, burns, burning medicines, Band-Aid rip-offs, and tattoos. Tattoos? Really? I mean, I can get behind a vibrating ice pack fashioned in the likeness of a bumblebee...

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Bacons of the World Sampler

I would call Belcampo's Bacons of the World quarterly sampler pork crack, but in this case, I think it would allude to an entirely different--yet still likely very tasty--part of the pig, rather than the addictive, euphoria-inducing...

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Boo-Boos Gory Bandages

I'll see your kiss it and make it better and raise you a gasp, gag, and vomit up my corn dog and curly fries. Designer, inventor, and gore master Sherwood Forlee makes Boo-Boos, adhesive bandages that will help make your...

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Quell - Wearable Pain Relief

$227.99 from Amazon »

I wonder if Quell would help the pain in my ass. No, I really have one. On the bottom of my left butt cheek when I sit for too long, kind of right where it...yeah, yeah, don't think you're the first to say that. People...