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Giant Rideable T-Rex Bike

By: on July 09, 2015
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Of course, of course Portlandia is the Craig's List source for a giant rideable T-Rex bike. I can smell Burning Man 2014 and self-entitled cries of "Share the road!" bellowing through major downtown arterials all over this thing. Case in point:

  • The listing personifies the dinosaur skeleton, which I'd like to point out would be dead even if it weren't made entirely of chromoly steel and foam, as "she." More specifically, its name is Sue.
  • Apparently Sue the T-Rex has "consented" to be harnessed and ridden. Now here's where I would throw in a line about selling "her" because she's been ridden hard and put away wet one too many times, but again: Portlandia. Where life's toughest problems are solved by fingering crystals and the power of open-mindedness and tattoos unite citizens in the fight against gluten. I'm sure Sue was raised free-roaming and grass-fed (despite being a carnivore) before someone jammed a saddle up her crotch.
  • The dino's pitch concludes by saying the bike needs an owner "who likes being the center of attention...and likes inspiring joy and wonder in the faces of children." Its creator is "just a quiet engineer and bicycle fabricator" who is not "interested in celebrity." Free to a good home then? Not quite. What T-Rex on wheels also needs, and what the humble Inventor is interested in: $2,000.

In all fairness, "Sue" took many months to craft from a pile of stuff to the 12' long, 8.5' tall piece of work you see before you. The bike it's mounted to is actually a recumbent tricycle with a 9-speed wide-range drivetrain, comfortable enough for cruising at around 7mph, but a little unwieldy to maneuver. The seat sits 5' off the ground.

Once mounted, the rideable T-Rex further regales onlookers (i.e., inspires joy and wonder in the faces of children) with its marionette head that turns side-to-side and opens/closes its jaw. Arms are also independently moveable.

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Sick in the Head: The 10 Coolest Motorcycle Helmets

Some people say you're sick in the head for riding a motorcycle. I say you're sick in the head if you're wearing one of these motorcycle helmets. And I mean it in the very, very best sense of the word. Here are my picks...

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RYNO One Wheel Motorcycle

$5,295 from RYNO Motors »

Ever wanted to pop a perpetual wheelie? Well get ready, 'cause RYNO Motors is in production and set for the 2012 US release of two tiers of its self-balancing, single-wheeled, shit-stirring beast of a motorcycle. OK...

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Hoverbike

$50k from Hoverbike »

The Hoverbike is what happens when one really wants to be a superhero, but really needs to figure out a way to more efficiently herd cattle. Aussie Chris Malloy has created a prototype for this motorcycle-helicopter hybrid...

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Litelok Flexible Bike Lock

$109.87 - $206.82 from Litelok »

Flexible, lightweight, and inordinately strong, the Litelok could have been a gymnast, but decided to take the more practical professional route of becoming an anti-theft bodyguard for bicycles. The gold-rated bike lock...

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Meteorite & Dinosaur Bone Rings

$387 - $1,749 from Etsy »

If your special someone is really that special, you won't just give them a ring, you'll give them a ring from a bazillion years ago! A ring that symbolizes how grand, vast, and enduring your love is. A ring that proves...

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Boba Fett Motorcycle Helmet

Unlike a few selections in this slideshow of sick motorcycle helmets, you can probably wear HJC's new RPHA 11 Boba Fett helmet without getting laughed off the road (it's an obvious, but not over-the-top Star Wars circus...

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Cyclotron Spokeless Smart Bicycle

$1,125 - $3,038 from Cyclotron Cycles »

For all the Sam Flynns out there who need more exercise, you'll soon be able to trade in your electric Light Cycles for pedal-powered Cyclotrons on your joyrides and daily commutes. The self-described "Future of Cycling"...

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Bird of Prey Bicycle

$4,200 from Bird of Prey »

I didn't think the foam helmets and seizure-inducing neon spandex could look any more ridiculous rolling down the road, yelling at cars to get out of their lane, and then cutting into traffic at will when it suits them...

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Inflatable Dinosaur Costume

Discontinued

Giddyup, T-Rex! While I'm not so sure about the proportions of this inflatable dinosaur costume, what it lacks in mathematical accuracy it definitely makes up for in costume originality. Now riding into your Halloween...

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Life-Size Baby T-Rex Costume

Discontinued

Sometimes babies are born with disproportionately large body parts, which they subsequently grow into. Like dog paws and human eyes. No such luck for the baby T-Rex. Looks as if those little guys are stuck with midget...

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T-Rex Skull Shower Head

$20 from Etsy »

He may be dead and decomposed, but that doesn't mean T-Rex isn't still capable of spewing the stink off you. Roman Mirskiy creates his T-Rex Skull Shower Heads on a 3D printer. They're all made from high-quality ABS plastic...

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Dino Case - T-Rex Lunch Box & Carrier

$34.99 from Amazon »

No one will steal your lunch--or your maker tools, or your stash--ever again with T-Rex guarding it. The Dino Case from Suck UK uses the impenetrable strength of beastly prehistoric jaw to protect your most beloved PB&Js....