Halloween

9-Foot Alien Abduction Inflatable

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Bad news: the 9-Foot Alien Abduction Inflatable does not include the pictured inflatable cow getting beamed up into the UFO for its inevitable anal probe. Good news: you can get an inflatable cow that will fit inside...

Skull Candle Holder with Bleeding Brain Candle

$29.95 - $37.95 Amazon »

Bleeding candles are nothing new...huh. What a weird truth. I can think of at least 2 types of bleeding candle I have already shown you - The Melting Hand Bloody Candle and Stranger Things Eleven Bleeding Nose Candle...

Skeleton in a Skull Bathtub Candle

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Is there some sort of metaphor to be drawn from the Skeleton in a Skull Bathtub Candle? Take a dip in your own mind? Relax with your thoughts? Wade through your memories...and maybe figure out how you died and got cursed...

Spider Web Light Up Doormat

$33 - $59 Pottery Barn »

I'll welcome only those with webbed feet into my home this Halloween. Feet, that is, that have been wiped clean on my Spider Web Light Up Doormat...

12' Haunted Living Lighted Animatronic Mummy

$348 Lowes »

Lowe's couldn't let Home Depot keep having all the Halloween fun - and revenue. So this year the home improvement retailer is offering a 12' Haunted Living Lighted Animatronic Mummy to rival their rival's 12' Skeleton...

Pumpkin Scraper Glove

$23.40 Amazon »

When you're sittin' on the lawn, and the pumpkin lid is gone / Be a man, use your hand, Pumpkin Scraper Glove!...

Stack-O-Lantern Pumpkin Stacking Kit

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These jacks are stacked. The Stack-O-Lantern Pumpkin Stacking Kit invites dudes and ladies young and old to "up your pumpkin display to another level" with their 8-piece set of pumpkin carving tools and jack-o-lantern...

Miracle Melting Witch - Melts Again & Again

$14.99 Amazon »

The Miracle Melting Witch will get you, my pretty...or at least she'll say she'll get you, my pretty, as she melts down into a green-and-black blob with a broomstick again and again...

Halloween Broomstick Snack & Appetizer Stand

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Don't be a broomstick in the mud, dudes, this Halloween Broomstick Snack & Appetizer Stand is a real clever and charming way to display spooky season treats. And even if you don't want one, it would make a fine gift for...

Pumpkin Backflow Incense Burner

$11.99 Amazon »

Now I wouldn't call myself an Incense Dude - I'm more of a Rug Dude, obviously - but I am digging this Pumpkin Backflow Incense Burner as a gift for Halloween. It's countertop-sized, so much more subtle than the 35-Foot...

10-Foot Inflatable Monster Mouth Archway

$129.99 Amazon »

Do the Monster Mash! Or, let this 10-Foot Inflatable Monster Mouth Archway do it to you - right between his big ol' nubby teeth. ... Six of which appear to be growing sideways out of his cheeks. What a Frankenstein!...

7-Foot T-Rex Eating a Human Snack Inflatable

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Poor bastard flailing in the jaws of this 7-foot T-Rex inflatable. But on the bright side, at least the big, skeletal beast isn't eating you or your kids as a human snack, and now he'll be too full to do it when everyone's...

Inflatable Skeleton Lovers

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Spooky season is coming up, and these Inflatable Skeleton Lovers - the Boning Bones, if you will - are the perfect front yard decoration to, er, erect if you want to offend and piss off the Karens in your neighborhood...

35-Foot Inflatable Michael Myers

$2,995 Etsy »

Halloween Ends is coming to a streaming service near you, and possibly to your kids the moment they see this 35-foot inflatable Michael Myers in someone's yard when they're trick-or-treating this year. And in both cases...

Screaming Aztec Death Whistle

$35.95 Amazon »

How have I never heard of a Screaming Aztec Death Whistle? In all my efforts to exact revenge on my ex-girlfriend, Karen, in all my attempts to prank my friend Cornelius, in all my ploys to convince my mother-in-law our...

Area 51 5-Foot Glow-in-the-Dark Alien Statue

$1,754.50 Amazon »

This Alien Statue from Area 51 is pretty much life-size (I mean, aliens seem pretty short, right) at 5 feet tall, and glows outer-space-radioactive green in the dark, so it's obviously a choice pick for anyone getting...

Beetlejuice Airblown Inflatable Car Buddy

$47.50 Amazon »

While I appreciate the idea of a Beetlejuice Inflatable Car Buddy, looking at this Beetlejuice Inflatable Car Buddy from Gemmy makes me wonder: What the Otho Fenlock is that amoebic green half-horseshoe snot mustache...

10' Animated Beetlejuice Sandworm

$249.99 Amazon »

I've been walking by a 10' Animated Beetlejuice Sandworm every day for the last 2 weeks, courtesy of the best neighbor ever who installed one in his front yard, alongside this 6' inflatable black cat with rotating head...

Friday the 13th Jason Garden Gnome

$15 Etsy »

Amelie meets Friday the 13th! What a precious and heartwarming way to die!...

Zombie Kids Halloween Yard Art

$71.11 Etsy »

My mama's gonna dig adding these Zombie Kids to her front yard when she decorates for Halloween this year. I'll be a fan of them too if they scare away some of her trick-or-treaters, thus creating more leftover candy...

Bloody Weapon Pet Halloween Costumes

$10 Etsy »

Bloody Frenchies! Always spooking the kids with their smooshed wrinkly faces, their snorting, their impaled weaponry!...

Harry Potter Dementor Replica with LED Lighting

$199 Pottery Barn »

The Harry Potter Dementor Replica with LED Lighting is here to hang from your porch ceiling or a tree in the front yard, and haunt the F out of every child, UPS driver, and squirrel that passes it between now and Halloween...

4' Inflatable Zombie Baby

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They say it's a nondescript "4' inflatable zombie baby," but I'm pretty sure it's Petyr from What We Do in the Shadows. Or maybe The Master from Buffy. Or maybe the lovechild of them both. Speaking of which, this super...

12' Inferno Pumpkin Skeleton with LCD Eyes

$379 Home Depot »

Home Depot is following up the spooky success their 12' Skeleton from last Halloween not only with even more 12' Skeletons for this year, but the all-new 12' Inferno Pumpkin Skeleton with LifeEyes (i.e., LCD eyeballs...