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Giant Lobster Hand Claws

By: on September 22, 2013
Giant Lobster Hand Claws
  • Giant Lobster Hand Claws
  • Giant Lobster Hand Claws
  • Giant Lobster Hand Claws
$34.95
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I believe all children with no existing physical or mental impairments who think they're hot little shits should be required to wear these giant lobster claws on their hands for a day to learn how it feels to be different and handicapped and unable to text or post hourly Facebook status updates.

I myself will don the claws to playfully pinch ladies' noses before launching into a swooning rendition of "Under the Sea", which I anticipate will award me license to request phone numbers, and possibly playfully pinch other body parts.

What, Cornelius? No, Sebastian wasn't a Rastafarian crab, he was a Rastafarian lobster. Dude, no he...I'll bet you...alright, get the Blu-Ray.

As Halloween approaches, those who dread devising a costume can relax. You are now just two claws away from reincarnations as lobster mutants. The latex pieces measure 14-1/2" long, and fit most adult hands. Research suggests sporting a pair makes the wearer 50 times more awesome.

WARNING: Beware of intermingling with fat people and butter with giant lobster claws affixed.

Muchas danke to Laughing Squid.