124

The Kitchen Safe - Time-Lock Vice Guard

By: on June 12, 2013
Sold Out from
Check It Out

David Krippendorf invented the Kitchen Safe first to help himself avert caving to unhealthy snack cravings. Usage of the 3-1/2 quart timed lock box soon evolved into housing TV and video game controllers, cigarettes and liquor, even overused credit cards (<--- that one's not going to help me as my steel trap memory knows the number by heart). For those truly suffering from compromised willpower, the Kitchen Safe David Krippendorf has to offer you might be borderline genius. Give it a year, though, and the name David Krippendorf might also be the newest addition to American expletives.

David Krippendorf, I want my cookies!

I swear to David Krippendorf if I don't get one puff of a cig someone is going to get hurt!

Hey! Stay in your own lane, you David Krippendorf!

Allegedly the first of its kind, the Kitchen Safe locks up food, gadgets, toys, and other vices for a user-set amount of time. To activate, place the bag of Barbara's Peanut Butter Puffins in the safe prior to going out on Saturday night. Close the lid, set the timer for the number of hours you think you'll be intoxicated, and then depress the big "lock 'er up" button. The safe will be impenetrable by anything but a BASH sledgehammer or a crazed pregnant lady until the timer ticks down to 0.

The Kitchen Safe seeks crowd funding on Kickstarter for a full production run of both clear and white versions of the habit-thwarters through July 20, 2013. Container timers allow for settings of 1 minute to 10 days, and function on 2, AA batteries, which have a 6-month usable life under normal use. I guess that means I'll need to replace mine every couple of weeks as my new hobby is about to become locking up my friend Cornelius' contact lenses and car keys and Sure Fuck cologne and last roll of toilet paper.

Muchas danke to The Awesomer.

December 2013 Update: The Kitchen Safe exceeded its crowdfunding goal and is now available for direct purchase--follow the link below.

Buy Now

NFC Programmable Smart Ring

$59.99 from Amazon »

At this point you could put a different type of smart ring on every one of your fingers if you wanted. The NFC Ring is a programmable piece of smart jewelry you can wave around powerful wizard- or dismissive CEO-style...

Buy Now

The Killer Key

$12 from Amazon »

The Killer Key is for law enforcement officials, landlords with squatters or evicted tenants, and pranksters who thrive on taking things one step too far. See, the key blade inserts into any Kwikset or Schlage brand lock...

Check it out

TIHK - Tiny Inconspicuous Handcuff Key

$12.99 - $36.99 from TIHK »

The Tiny Inconspicuous Handcuff Key is intended for use by trained law enforcement, military, and security professionals only. However, TIHK will sell a pair of them to anyone with a credit card and $13. Because that...

Check it out

The Run Lock

$44.99 from The Run Lock »

When I run...ha! This entry is already full of lies. The last time I ran I think I was 8 and the ice cream truck was about to get away before I ordered my pink sherbet foot with the gumball toenail! So let me start again....

Check it out

ZORE X Smart Gun Lock

$95 - $169 from ZORE »

A couple years ago we saw Armatix's attempt to smarten up gun safety with a system that pairs your firearm with a digital watch, allowing the former to shoot only when it is within range of the latter. ZORE has a different...

Check it out

The Perfect Shot Secure Decanter

$89.95 from The Perfect Shot »

The Perfect Shot is a lockable decanter that keeps thirsty hands off your hooch. But here's an interesting lemon twist: those thirsty hands can include your own....

Buy Now

Add-A-Lock Portable Door Lock

$21.95 from Amazon »

The Add-A-Lock does one better than the portable intruder alarm: it won't just alert you when your one night stand tries to sneak back into your bedroom to sucker you into a committed, long-term relationship during which...

Buy Now

FlexSafe Packable Travel Vault

$38.95 from Amazon »

Why a FlexSafe? Because of that one time when I was Floaty Pantsin' around a pool full of women's beach volleyball players and didn't notice some punk kid snatch my bag. My wallet. My phone. My keys. My Ziplocs of granola...

Buy Now

Monster Vault Under-the-Bed Safe

$695 from Amazon »

Why does a monster under the bed have to be scary or out to get you? Why can't it be there to keep you safe. Or, in the case of the Monster Vault, to be a safe? The Monster Vault is a slim under-the-bed safe for storing...

Buy Now

Cutaway Practice Padlock & Lock Pick Set

$29.95 from Amazon »

You can pick your nose, but you can't pick your lock. At least not until you've had proper training from Ehdching's cutaway practice padlock and lock pick set. This complete DIY package includes a transparent cutaway...

Buy Now

Air Vent Hidden Safe with RFID Lock

$219.99 from Amazon »

Tough tamales if you're looking for air circulation this summer, but here at least your cash, Glock, and Chewbacca bandolier signed by all passengers of the Millennium Falcon will be hidden away and protected. It's Quick...

Check it out

Lockpick School in a Box

Discontinued

Obviously it's necessary to pick a lock only when you are a locksmith or have been kidnapped and held hostage in a locked room. Or, I guess, when you need to break into your ex-girlfriend's (aka Heart of Blackness) apartment...