Toilet Fondue
- Coffee Makes Me Poop! Mug - $14.99
- 3-Tier Chocolate Fondue Fountain - $35.00
- Butt/Face Bath Towel - $15.45
- Electric Fondue Pot - $24.99
- Wilton Chocolate Pro Fountain and Fondue Chocolate - $15.99
Mmm, nothing like a little toilet humor to complement dipping things in chocolate and putting them in your mouth. I think tubular or nondescript mass-shaped fruit, such as bananas and strawberries, intensify the visuals of the toilet fondue effect best. Units sell individually and, like most porcelain thrones, service just one depositor at a time. Probably best to buy at least two. More if you're planning on using them during a dinner party. Particularly those with dried fruits. Oh man, people think prunes are the only dehydrated entity that spawn the runs, but I'm here to tell you dried apricots do it too. Apricots, cranberries, mangoes, figs...unless you eat too many. Then it's bring on the Ex-lax and suppositories. Hey, why did the old man have a suppository in his ear? Because some asshole took his hearing aid. Happy loo fondue-ing.
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Shredder Cheese Grater
Graters are typically safer than knives for turning blocks of cheese into shreds, but the Shredder Cheese Grater? I, for one, wouldn't let anyone but a true Ninja Turtle turn my 8-ounce block of cheddar into 2 cups of...
/ginnie-juicer-compact-61537.jpg?mode=crop "Ginnie Juicer - Compact Masticating Slow Juicer")
Ginnie Juicer - Compact Masticating Slow Juicer
"Ginnie" is a very nice name for a juicer. Ginnie sounds cute. And this compact kitchen gadget that won't take up more than a 5" footprint on your countertop most definitely is. Ginnie sounds fun. The juicer comes in...
5lb Bag of Kraft Cheese Powder
Sometimes I wonder what I'll do if one day I don't want the Kraft Mac & Cheese my mama or Bob Evans serves me. Like, what if I want Kraft mini wieners* & cheese or Kraft Jet-Puffed Jumbo Mallows & cheese? Or, screw all...
Fruit Infuser Water Bottle
People think I drink only Kool-Aid and sodie pop because I'm immature and unrefined, but really it's because water is such a yawn. I need the excitement and intrigue of carbonation and colors insulting to nature in my...
/The-Bad-Banana-937.jpg?mode=crop "The Bad Banana")
The Bad Banana
Everyone knows that Japanese people are out of their fucking minds a little bit eccentric when it comes to... everything, but that's why we love them. This streaking flashing banana, I think, captures that eccentricity...
/penis-charcuterie-board-61165.jpg?mode=crop "Penis Charcuterie Board")
Penis Charcuterie Board
No one will be able to beat your meat, or resist your cheese, or help but grab your berries, when you arrange them atop the Penis Charcuterie Board. It's the best reference to genitalia I've seen in a serving tray since...
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The Best BBQ Gadgets
I rounded up some of the best BBQ gadgets out there and took them to my grill. And I said, "Hey grill, how you doin'? BBQ season is so close I can taste the smoked brisket and wet-rubbed pork - you ready to start cookin'...
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Mythical Meats Humanoid Snack Sticks
Ever want to sink your teeth into some mermaid tail? Well, have at it, dudes. Just don't go looking for flavors of Ariel or Daryl Hannah in your box of Mythical Meats Humanoid Snack Sticks - no mythical creatures were...
Cuts of Meat Dress
I love beef, and I love girls, but somehow the combination of the two doesn't work so well for me. The cuts of meat diagram on this dress carries implications of objectifying women and also cannibalism, and that is so...
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Smokemiester BBQ Smoker Grill Converter
Holy smokes...miester! A Weber, a hole saw, and a coupla Bud Light Limes on a Saturday afternoon, and my Bru-BQ Wayne kettle grill becomes a Bat-Smoker too! The Smokemiester BBQ Smoker converts any covered grill into...
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Grill Pinz
With Grill Pinz you can Bacon! Wrap! Everything! Neatly, with ease, and without panic that a piece of precious pork fat will unfurl or fall through your grill grates during flipping or removal...
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Ultra Fast Defrosting Tray
I want a big hunk of meat, and I want it now. What? Frozen?! Thaw overnight in the fridge? Thaw in a bowl of water for a few hours? Thaw in the microwave and let it get all...microwaved? How about, instead of any of that...