Riedel Crystal Snake Wine Decanters

By: on April 26, 2016
$445.95 - $474.70
Check It Out

The snake wouldn't have had to ask my girlfriend twice if he'd looked like this.

Excuse me ma'am, would you care to pair my rich and tannic In the Beginning Barolo with one of these crisp, juicy forbidden apples? I've been decanting it for--

Oh hell* yeah, I would!

*Ahhh, the irony.

Riedel knows wine's temptation, its charm, its desirability. The power it has over women (and, sure, some men too). And in response (or maybe just because they look damn cool) they've created this series of snakelike crystal decanters. The tallest is even called the Eve.

The Eve is a 24% lead crystal decanter mouth-blown into the shape of an upright cobra. It holds 48-1/2 ounces of wine and stands a dramatic 20" high. It includes a DVD demo on how to pour from it since doing so without spatting delicious venom all over your recipient's dress takes some specific turning and finesse.

The wide snake, fat with his aerating Syrah, is Riedel's Mamba. It has a 52-7/8-ounce capacity, and was mouth-blown in Austria from the same fine crystal as the Eve.

Finally, the coiled Boa decanter is ready to pour 69 ounces of wine from its slanted mouth. Super fast too, as this snake's corkscrew shape allows it to double-decant incoming contents, and open up wine in just seconds. Because the faster you're ready to drink, the faster you'll get drunk. And the faster you get drunk, the faster you'll pass out. And the faster you pass out, the faster those coils can relocate themselves to a more comfortable spot nice 'n' tight around your neck.

Buy Now

Vacu Vin Cocktail Layering Tool

$9.99 from Amazon »

Discover how many layers of drunk you can get tonight (and how many layers of hungover tomorrow) with Vacu Vin's Cocktail Layering Tool. The funnel attachment for bar or shot glasses slows down poured fluids so that even...

Check it out

Levitating CUP Zero Gravity Drinkware

$139 - $249 from Levitating CUP »

We've seen levitation around here before. A lot. In speakers. In lamps. In freakin' bonsai trees. But the Levitating CUP still makes me Ooooh and Ahhhh because, well, it contains alcohol. In a dazzling an

Buy Now

Bar Bones Skull Drink Markers

$14.77 from Amazon »

Enough with the drink charms shaped like hearts and kitty cats. I need a sinister skull to mind my glass of rose bubbles. Uh, I mean, whiskey. Neat....

Check it out

Secret Wood Rings

$90 - $180 from Secret Wood »

Straight from a dream / snow globe / LOTR set to your finger. Secret Wood carves wearable enchantments, a line of rings topped with abstract and magical scenes of nature that look like visions inside rough-cut crystal...

Buy Now

The Extractor Bite & Sting Kit

$13.59 from Amazon »

Stung by a bee? Bitten by a snake? Suck it up, son. Or rather, suction it up. With [cue appropriate vacuum pump music]...The Extractor!...

Check it out

Python Skin Death Trooper Helmet

$3k from ELEMNT »

I think this python skin Death Trooper Helmet solidifies maker ELEMNT's position on Team Dark Side. Their first snaked-out Star Wars replica payed homage to Darth Vader, and was shaped around one of the 1,200 collector's...

Check it out

26-Pound Gummy Python

$149.99 from Vat 19 »

Oh look, a snake that can kill you without biting, constricting, or even being alive. At 84" long, 26.9 pounds, and a staggering 36,720 calories, the Gummy Python will inflict anything from hyperglycemia to ruptured intestines...

Check it out

Jerry Can Bar Cabinet

$679 from AHA »

Some call it the can that won WWII. Even though the Germans created the Wehrmacht-Einheitskanister, American and British forces quickly copied the design and used it for the efficient storage and safe transport of fuel...

Buy Now

Ship in a Bottle Whiskey Decanter & Dispenser

$99 from Amazon »

I don't care how they got this ship in the bottle as long as I know how to get the booze it's sailing through out. A wood base handcrafted in Kentucky serves as a classy pedestal to the mounted glass whiskey decanter...

Buy Now

Mixology Dice

$24 from Amazon »

Mixology Dice add a lemon twist to the traditional drinking game format. Rather than telling you when, these cocktail rollers tell you what to drink....

Check it out

Epic Frog Escape

This 2 minute video clip is the equal of any movie I've seen this year. Suspense, intrigue, a classic soundtrack. I won't ruin the ending for you... but the good guy wins. This is the gutsiest damn frog I've ever known...

Buy Now

Fresh Wave Odor Removing Crystal Gel

$7.95 from Amazon »

My mama gave me a jar of this Fresh Wave Odor Removing Crystal Gel, I guess because she thinks my house stinks. Hey, it's not me, it's the cat. And maybe She-Ra: Princess of Power. I smell like sugar and pumpkin spice...