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Oreo Cookie Dipper

By: on December 05, 2013
$5.40
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Talk about the gift that keeps on giving. From stocking to cookie, and from cookie to belly, my friend. The Dipr solves the age-old calamity of sandwich cookies lost to murky emulsions of fat and protein. Oreos doing the backstroke in milk: gustatory bliss. Oreos doing a belly flop in milk and sinking like a fat man with a Costco crate of frozen chicken drumettes chained to his ankle: gustatory tragedy. Or at least a gustatory P in the A for the dunker, who must either fish it out with a spoon or body part, or wait until the milk runs dry and eat soppy, disintegrated cookie remains. Note: This experience is particularly traumatic for children with parents who ration out only a few Oreos or Nutter Butters per cookie consumption session. They could lose 1/3 to 1/2 of their day's allotment in a single finger fumble!

The Dipr encircles favorite sandwich cookies and cradles their creme-filled centers to hold them secure during dunking sessions. They come in 5 or so different colors, and can be purchased singly or in packs of 5 and10. Made of BPA-free plastic, Diprs probably won't even break your tooth if you get a little overzealous and chomp down on one!

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The Breakfast Bowl - Cereal Bowl & Pipe

I found some new cereals for your Sunday brunch. They're called Special Kanga Kush and Lucky Choo Choo Charms. You can eat them from this glass breakfast bowl....

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F-Cup Cookies

F-Cup Cookies sound like they would be a joke, and they probably are, but for all women with concave chesticular regions and, more importantly, for all the men who have to fondle them, I sure as 2 seconds of motorboating...

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Sweet Spot Instant Ice Cream Maker

$43.51 - $45.98 from Amazon »

The Sweet Spot Instant Ice Cream Maker is basically the creamy dairy treat version of the slushie maker I used every weekend at my grandma's house as a kid. But here, to accommodate the flash-freezing of your cream and...

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Milk & Cookie Shot Maker

$19.85 from Amazon »

Milk & cookies. & liquid chocolate. & shots. Maybe I'll make it through this year after all. Wait, what? I have to make it all myself? With molds and melters and ingredients from the store? Come on! I thought I could...

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Cards Against Humanity Fortune Cookies

$10 from OK Cookie Co. »

I like the fortunes that say things like, "Soon you will be sitting on top of the world," and "May you grow rich," followed by a series of lucky numbers that happen to coincide with those drawn during this week's Power...

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Milk & Cookies Shots

Now that the Cookie Monster has had his fling with Siri, maybe he can engage the services of Alexa to order him a dozen...or 8 dozen...of Dirty Cookie's Milk & Cookie Shots. I can't wait to see what he gets up to while...

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Naughty Cookie Cutters

$29.49 from Firebox.com »

These are disgusting. A perversion of gingerbread men, and a perversion of the spirit of Christmas!...

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X-Rated Fortune Cookies

Sold Out from Amazon »

Every time you masturbate, God chokes a kitten. I don't know if that bit of wisdom can be found in this Chinese to-go container of of X-Rated Fortune Cookies, but it should be a staple. Get your hands out of your pants...

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Your Face on an Animal Cookie

You've had your face on a stamp. On a superhero action figure. Even on a super creepy mask worn by someone who is not you. But I think the best place of all for your face...uh, next to your head...is on an animal cooki

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Scoop & Stack Ice Cream Scoop

$14.95 - $23.99 from Amazon »

Pssst, here's the scoop: it's a cylinder. Madness! Madness! you say....

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Know Brainer - The Thinker's Coffee Creamer

$18 from Amazon »

Know Brainer hops on the food trend train--you know, paleo locomotive pulling ketogenic, intermittent fasting, Whole 30, and gluten-free boxcars--to bring us this "thinker's" coffee creamer. The individual, portion-controlled...

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Cookie Monster Pipe

Discontinued

Holy crap, can you imagine how many cookies the Cookie Monster would eat if he were high? Possibly all the cookies in the world. Which in a way would be interesting to witness, but in a bigger way very sad, because then...