Oozy Monster Ketchup & Mustard Tops

By: on January 24, 2014
Ketchup & Mustard Monster Tops
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They call them the Booger Buddies. I call them the newest additions to my Super Bowl XLVIII meat buffet. Nothing like a squirt of mustard from the nostrils of an ooga-booga-looking monster (with impeccable oral hygiene) to cap off the eerily delicious reuben sandwiches my friend Constantine is ordering special from Zingerman's Deli in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Other members of the animal product spread will include a large disposable aluminum vat of exotic-spiced chicken wings, topped with curry ketchup vomited up by the devil, and BBQ & blue cheese pulled pork tacos...in corn, not flour tortillas, because flour tortillas taste like the spiral-bound notebook paper I used to make spitballs in high school. They SUCK, Cornelius! Tacos will welcome squirts of Sweet Baby Ray's boss sauce, possibly shed by the orifices of one of these alternative creepy condiment shooters. Oh, and there will be sausages. Bodily discharged ketchup and mustard dousing lots and lots of sausages.

The monster tops screw onto most standard-size plastic squeeze bottles for endless snot-spewing, blood-drooling, food-flavoring fun. They're made of BPA-free plastic too so they won't ruin it all by giving you cancer a few years down the line.