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Homemade Bacon Kit

By: on May 10, 2013
$16.99
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Would you say that bacon-themed things are getting a little old? I would. Unless, that is, the bacon-themed thing happens to be actual bacon. baconkit's nifty portable armory of curing tools and ingredients enables all swine-loving beings with opposable thumbs to turn 5 pounds of store-bought pork belly into 5 pounds of homemade pork ecstasy.

Each kit includes a curing bag, cure, maple sugar, a thermometer, and an instruction sheet. The DIY curing process is simple to execute, even for people who can't cook anything that doesn't slip into a Tosatabag, and directions are included both for basic cured bacon and candied-up maple bacon. baconkit promises that the loving, personal touch of your hand to the pig's belly will produce a slab of meaty heaven that won't shrink, shrivel, or release water when fried. Which both makes me very happy and also very concerned as to why the bacon I buy at the grocery store does recoil and spat in response to the heat of my skillet in these ways....

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The Culinary Bro-Down Cookbook

$17.10 from Amazon »

Mac 'n' Cheese Nachos, Loaded Avocado Fries, dude. It's time to bro-down. The Culinary Bro-Down Cookbook, despite incorporating a word most men do not want to be associated with, has a respectable goal, one most of us...

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Cuisinart Air Fryer Toaster Oven

$375.99 from Amazon »

I'm not showing you Cusinart's AirFryer Toaster Oven because it's one of Oprah's Favorite Things for 2017...or because I spent any time at all browsing Oprah's Favorite Things for 2017. I'm showing it to you because it...

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Oral Rehydration Salts

$13.99 from Amazon »

Oral rehydration salts should part of everyone's survival kit. Especially your survival kit for New Year's Eve. And Christmas Eve. And the office holiday party with the open bar. And your friend Cornelius' Ugly Christmas...

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SALT Self-Defense Gun

$299.99 - $349.99 from Salt Supply »

Lorenzo Maggiore already figured out how to A-Salt bugs in an effort keep our extermination of insects simple, clean, and green. Now we have a means of SALTing humans, this time in an effort to keep our defense against...

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Bug-A-Salt Exterminating Shotgun

$42.95 from Amazon »

The Bug-A-Salt might be the coolest thing invented for killing winged and many-legged pests since clapping your hands together and not coming up empty. Using nothing more than a few granules of regular table salt as its...

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Lucky Iron Fish - Iron-Infused Cooking Fish

This Lucky Iron Fish sounds as fishy as it looks. The palm-sized cooking tool says it can bump up your daily iron intake with 2 to 7mg of bioavailable iron when boiled in 1L of water or broth along with 2 to 3 drops of...

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The Lambshank Redemption Cookbook

$16.25 from Amazon »

Mmmm, I could sure go for some lamb shank tonight. According to She-Ra: Princess of Power, a little redemption wouldn't hurt me either. Fitting, then, that in my search for dinner and ways to un-piss off my fiancee I...

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Stranger Fillings: A Parody Cookbook

$14.19 from Amazon »

Stranger Fillings: A Parody Cookbook continues the cookbook trend started by recipe collections like Baking Bad and The Snacking Dead. Released during the lead-up to Stranger Things' second season, the spoof provides...

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Yomo Simple Sushi Maker

Sold Out from Amazon »

People always talk about sushi making as this formidable, elusive craft that many have tried, but all but the most elite and Jiro-Ono-blessed have failed to execute well. And while I basically agree with this assessment...

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Bacon Condoms

$9.99 from Bacon Salt »

Bill Gates, you put out an open call. You asked for the "next generation" in condoms. A design that will revolutionize safe sex practices by making the peen sheaths more desirable to wear. Men and birth control in third...

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biem Instant Stick Butter Sprayer

$129 - $159 from Biem »

Whether you're looking to cut back on the butter or blanket your whole life in a dewy sheen of it, the forthcoming biem Butter Sprayer could be as revolutionary for your popcorn and toast as the Slotdog is for your wieners....

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Bacon Express Crispy Bacon Grill

$34.08 from Amazon »

Whole wheat in the toaster, bacon in the...other toaster, a yank of the iceberg, a slice of the tomato, and mmmm. BLTeee-licious. Without turning on the stove or getting popped in the eye with a grease BB....