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Gummi Bear Flasks

By: on November 09, 2012
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The best part about these Gummi Bear Flasks is their vendor description. First of all, due to Pack o' Gum Lighter copyright infringement issues I'm sure, they've been termed Boozie Bear Flasks. "Boozie" as in booze, as in liquor that gets ye drunk. "Flask" as in traditional, pocket-sized vessel that houses liquor that gets ye drunk. However, in addition to being marketed as "Great for gift giving", and "Completely dishwasher safe", the people who hope you will buy them for $10 a pop also tout these candy-colored alcoholic raver's dream as "Fun for all ages". As in, "Yo, underage drinkers! You're gonna love sneaking 12 ounces of Bacardi 151 around in one of our eye-catching neon blue, red, or green Gummi Bear Flasks!"

Although they seem a little bulbous on the belly side, Boozie Bears supposedly fit snugly into small bags and pockets, and measure 6" high x 2-3/4" wide x 2" deep. They're made of alcohol-safe plastic.

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Anatomical Gummi Bears

$39.99 from ThinkGeek »

This anatomical view of what lies beyond the high fructose corn syrup and Yellow Dye No. 5 of their epidermises paints Gummi Bears in a new light. Gives them some identity. Some humanity. Makes me feel kind of bad for...

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26-Pound Gummy Python

$149.99 from Vat 19 »

Oh look, a snake that can kill you without biting, constricting, or even being alive. At 84" long, 26.9 pounds, and a staggering 36,720 calories, the Gummy Python will inflict anything from hyperglycemia to ruptured intestines...

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$24.95 from Amazon »

Ahhh, summertime. 'Tis the season. To be sneaky. The Freedom Flask, in the same spirit of duplicity and cunning as the Nano Hummingbird Spy Camera and the iStash, aids users in their quests to do things they aren't supposed...

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Fake Tampon Flasks

$19.98 from Amazon »

Mmmm, boy. Who wants an illicit Bloody Mary? I don't care how thirsty I might be at a dry college football game, show, or church service, I don't think I could take a swig of anything out of a tampon. Even a fake tampon...

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The iFlask

$24.95 from iFlask »

Smokers, you've got your iStash. Drinkers, it's time to get your vice's piece of incognito Apple paraphernalia. In its ubiquitous and thereby discreet glory, the iPhone serves as the facade of subterfuge once again with...

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Han Solo DL-44 Blaster Flask Prototype

Han shot first. Then Luke threw back 16. Soon you'll be able to do the same. Maybe. if Industries has developed this prototype for a DL-44 Blaster Flask, which might turn into a full-on BlasTech Industries-scale production...

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Smuggle Your Booze Sunscreen Flask

$9.15 from Amazon »

Summer music festivals, baseball games, and days in the park with the kids are about to get a whole lot jollier. Instead of SPF 30, this innocuous bottle of responsible adult sunscreen contains room for 8 fl. oz. of ABV...

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Kraken Flasks

$85 - $450 from Etsy »

Rejoice ye liquor-sipping non-smokers who thought the Octopus Pipes we featured last month would be cool, if only you inhaled. Kraken Flasks are here to evoke equal reverence from those who enjoy a fine swig of Scotch...

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Stanley Classic Flask

$16 - $39.98 from Amazon »

If Paul Bunyan and Don Draper were sharing some hooch around the campfire, I bet the Stanley Classic Flask in Hammertone Crimson is what they'd use to tip it back. And so would I....

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Bracelet Flask

$25.25 from Amazon »

Fancy fashion designer Cynthia Rowley made a Flask Bracelet that sold for around $225. You can see it on the lady's wrist in image gallery above. But Braced has made a Bracelet Bangle Flask that's waaaay better than Rowley's...

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1 Gallon Stainless Steel Flask

$20.47 from Amazon »

I was doing some soul searching for ways in which I might class up my life, and not 5 minutes in, as if poised to instantly answer my prayers, I locked eyes with this gallon-sized flask. Isn't it beautiful? Brushed finish....

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Portable Travel Bars

$64.95 - $89.95 from Amazon »

It's not quite as nice as opening a briefcase filled with unmarked hundos, but unlocking one of these portable travel bars will still give you pretty good returns. A great gift for men, groomsmen, or the stripper who's...