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Death Star Cookie Jar

By: on November 06, 2013
  • Death Star Cookie Jar
$55.79
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This year, the grubby little hands that touch Santa's cookies are getting a superlaser blast to the neck. Or at least that's the scare tactic this Death Star cookie jar will promote in parental attempts to limit cookie overconsumption and stealth. From Death Star to Death Star II to Death Star in the Kitchen. See, it's not just Coolio--everyone caves to the charm...and vampirical mind control powers...of Martha Stewart eventually.

Death Star cookie jars are made from glazed ceramic.

I can't believe they divulged that information.

Now everyone knows all you have to do to stop it from destroying the granite counter tops, or the entire planet, is drop it on the floor.

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Star Wars Fitness Equipment

$64.95 - $199.95 from Onnit »

If you weren't sweating the Dark Side before, one round with Onnit's Star Wars fitness equipment, and I guarantee you'll start. From kettlebell swings to hot yoga, Russian twists to Turkish getups, Onnit is injecting...

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F-Cup Cookies

F-Cup Cookies sound like they would be a joke, and they probably are, but for all women with concave chesticular regions and, more importantly, for all the men who have to fondle them, I sure as 2 seconds of motorboating...

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Milk & Cookie Shot Maker

$20.49 from Amazon »

Milk & cookies. & liquid chocolate. & shots. Maybe I'll make it through this year after all. Wait, what? I have to make it all myself? With molds and melters and ingredients from the store? Come on! I thought I could...

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Cards Against Humanity Fortune Cookies

$10 from OK Cookie Co. »

I like the fortunes that say things like, "Soon you will be sitting on top of the world," and "May you grow rich," followed by a series of lucky numbers that happen to coincide with those drawn during this week's Power...

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Star Wars Death Star Levitating Speaker

$192 from The Fowndry »

The Death Star Levitating Speaker doesn't so much pose the question of how hard you'll rock out while listening to it as it does the more philosophical question of how hard occupants of the Death Star rocked out while...

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Milk & Cookies Shots

Now that the Cookie Monster has had his fling with Siri, maybe he can engage the services of Alexa to order him a dozen...or 8 dozen...of Dirty Cookie's Milk & Cookie Shots. I can't wait to see what he gets up to while...

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Star Wars Death Star Toaster

$65.54 from The Fowndry »

This Death Star is armed with 7,293 TIE Fighters, and it's ready to deploy them onto your sliced bread. In toaster form, it's also the perfect solution to mornings you're in a rush and don't have time to craft a complete...

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Naughty Cookie Cutters

$29.49 from Firebox.com »

These are disgusting. A perversion of gingerbread men, and a perversion of the spirit of Christmas!...

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X-Rated Fortune Cookies

$16.01 from Amazon »

Every time you masturbate, God chokes a kitten. I don't know if that bit of wisdom can be found in this Chinese to-go container of of X-Rated Fortune Cookies, but it should be a staple. Get your hands out of your pants...

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Star Wars Ugly Christmas Sweaters

$29.99 - $64.95 from Amazon »

If Star Wars is on the Ugly Christmas Sweater scene now, I think we need to remove the "Ugly" modifier from the term. How about Star Wars Galactically Awesome Christmas Sweaters instead? Particularly the one spotlighting...

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Your Face on an Animal Cookie

You've had your face on a stamp. On a superhero action figure. Even on a super creepy mask worn by someone who is not you. But I think the best place of all for your face...uh, next to your head...is on an animal cooki

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Star Wars Planetary Glassware Set

$49.99 from ThinkGeek »

From the Milky Way to a galaxy far, far away. After our own solar system proved to be a stellar success amongst MVEMJSUN lovers, Star Wars is taking its turn to front Think Geek's latest Planetary Glassware Set. Meet...