40

Air Fork One

By: on March 09, 2014
Air Fork One
  • Air Fork One
  • Air Fork One
  • Air Fork One
$10
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That's right, kid. You wanna play Here Comes the Airplane, you pilot that aircraft yourself. I'm sick of contemporary society's unbridled pandering to children. They have two hands. Why can't they feed themselves? Put on their own pants? Wipe their own butt cracks? What better way to train fine motor skills than setting hunger, nakedness, and smelling like poo as the consequences of failure?

In other news, I might also like an Air Fork One for myself because while eating straight Lucky Charms marshmallows is fun enough in and of itself, eating oatmeal is mind-numbingly boring. Delivering wads of lumpy slop to my mouth with an airplane could actually make it bearable. (Note: I wouldn't eat oatmeal at all, but apparently if I don't add it and other affronts like vegetables to my diet I'm going to die at 40.)

Air Fork One, the utensil of future Presidents...or at least the kids you tell they could be President one day even if they have no shot in hell...is made of stainless steel encased in food-grade, dishwasher-safe silicone.