Skillet Bacon Jam
Know what sucks about a bacon cheeseburger? OK, besides nothing. What sucks is when you sink your teeth into its crispy-juicy tag team of flesh, and the bacon doesn't break cleanly. When an entire, mayonnaise-laden strip slides out with a single bite, forcing you either to reassemble the mess of meat, or eat the pork magic on its own, thus leaving its bovine compadre bereft of the bacon adornment that escalates it to an otherwise unachievable level of Fucking Delicious.
Fellow slaves to swine's candy over at Seattle food truck Skillet have lived this nightmare of suckage themselves. Enough times that they committed to fighting back. To retiring to their culinary laboratory for as long as it took to devise a solution to the dilemma of non-malleable bacon. And when they emerged, it was with the second coming of swine: Bacon Jam.
Bacon Jam is a spreadable condiment made from real live (but dead) pigs. None of this bacon "flavored" or "essenced" BS--Skillet takes Niman Ranch bacon, and renders it down with onions, balsamic vinegar, and spices, before letting these Avengers of the edible world simmer for hours into a smoky, tangy, savory, and slightly sweet titan of the palate. Honestly, calling it a condiment is an insult. On sandwiches, in dips, in omelets, on a giant spoon, Skillet Bacon Jam isn't an accent to the dish, it's the reason the dish--the reason those moments of your life, period--carry any pleasure or meaning at all.
Oh yeah, and it slathers evenly, comprehensively, perfectly on a hamburger bun, infallibly coating taste buds with every single bite.