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Ranch Dressing Fountain

By: on November 09, 2017

Hidden Valley began pouring on the Ranch dressing in fountain form last March, but I think it's much better suited for Thanksgiving, and the holiday season as a whole. What better gift for your party guests than an 18", 360-degree, tiered waterfall of creamy American Hidden Valley Ranch to stream over their raw veggies, chicken wings, meatballs, stuffing bites, and - oh yeah - Cool Ranch Doritos?

What better? I'll tell you: the year's supply of Hidden Valley Ranch that comes with the fountain.

The fountain ships in 4 tiers that stack to assemble and, in honor of the season, also includes a festive skirt to cover the base. I'm no fan of snow, but if it's a cascading curtain of Ranch dressing we're talking about, then cue Bing Crosby. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas too.

Note: If you're wondering why you can't just buy a chocolate fountain and put some Ranch dressing in it to make a Ranch dressing fountain, the reason is...I don't know. You probably can.

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Thorns In - The Glove You Can't Take Off

$978 from Sruli Recht »

Thorns In meaning #1: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns lining the inside of this shark skin glove. Thorns In meaning #2: Ten thousand mic-rose thorns gouging fish-hook style into the hand of its wearer, such that pulling...

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Edible Anus Chocolates

$7.34 from Amazon »

Several years ago, Willy Wonka sat down with the UK's most distinguished chocolatiers to lay down the next big release in artisan chocolate. He tried many of their stunning and revolutionary manipulations of the finest...

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Raclette Personal Cheese Melter

$24.99 from Amazon »

From whence does this Raclette personal cheese melter come? For those unfamiliar, Raclette is both a big ol' hunk of Swiss cheese, and a Swiss method of melting layers of the cheese over a fire, and scraping them off...

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Codex Seraphinianus: World's Strangest Book

$95.41 from Amazon »

First published in 1981, the radically strange and unparalleled Codex Seraphinianus took Italian architect, illustrator, and industrial designer Luigi Serafini 2-1/2 years to complete. What is it? Aside from floating...

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Sh*t Gold Pills

$425 from CITIZEN:Citizen »

It may still stink, but ingest a couple of these 24K capsules, and your shit will look as handsome as a pile of gold. Tobias Wong and J.A.R.K. (Ju$t Another Rich Kid) created the Gold Pills as part of their INDULGENCE...

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The Loudest Portable Speaker

$875 from Amazon »

I just learned about The Loudest Portable Speaker from my newly deaf friends Maurice and Sue, who just returned from testing Soundboks' 119dB bad boy at Burning Man. Conclusion:...

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Igloo Party Bar Cooler with LiddUp Lighting

$154.37 from Amazon »

The Igloo Party Bar Cooler keeps the party lit up all night long courtesy of LiddUp technology. About 4 years ago, startup LiddUp sought crowdfunding for its own illuminated cooler. The campaign didn't quite hit its goal...

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Reloadable Confetti High Fives

Sold Out from Amazon »

Did you know that National High Five Day is just 2 weeks away? Wait, let me back up. Did you know there exists such a thing as National High Five Day? It's the third Thursday of every April, or for our purposes, April...

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Edible Dehydrated Zebra Tarantula

$24.99 from Amazon »

What's that you're eating? Antelope jerky? Pssshh! Amateur. Real men, men with balls as big as their 3 p.m. snack cravings, eat dehydrated zebra tarantulas. Straight from the can....

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Face Mask Drink Coasters

$8.68 from Amazon »

Paladone's Face Mask Drink Coasters are a party multi-tool. Use them old school, to hold your sweaty drink so you don't f*ck up the table. Use them new school, as a frisbee projectile to pelt your friend Cornelius, or...

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Batman Party Invitations

Discontinued

Set the tone for your super party with some super invitations. No envelope needed! When you open the bat covered flaps the invitation is inside. Constructed from high quality cardstock, the invitations are quite sturdy...

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Portable Pullup & Dip Bar

$275 - $295 from Pullup & Dip »

January 1. Bring on the pushups and dips. And by pushups I mean these delightful orange hangover cures, and by dips, the leftover guacamole and beefy chili queso to continue the New Year's celebration through NFL Sunday....