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Minecraft Marshmallow Creeps

By: on March 04, 2013
$4.99
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The little bit of good news I have for you today is that we are only 16 days away from spring and 27 days away from Easter*, which means Peep eating season is upon us! Even better tidings for Minecraft die-hards: Marshmallow Creeps. Quad packs of sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, preservatives, green dye, and carnauba wax all spun into the likeness of Minecraft's notorious bearers of hostility and explosives. However, when these Creepers blow up they incite happiness and hyperactivity (particularly when the blowing up occurs in the microwave) instead of hard-assembled block destruction.

The little bit of bad news I have for you is...well, you'll probably figure it out.

*Now I don't know what dictates this sort of thing--something about the New Orleans Mardi Gras celebration, right?--but I like how even though Easter is meant to honor the day the Lord is risen, that day changes every year. Sometimes he is risen end of March, sometimes he is risen middle of April...it's complete arbitrariness. As if someone...such as the Easter Bunny...looks at his calendar and just picks a day he figures he'll be available for basket delivery. Well, Easter Bunny, there's never much going on in August. And the weather is way more dependable for egg hunting by then. How about having Jesus risen in August next year?

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Chocolate Candy Bar Maker

$31.13 from Amazon »

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Nerds with Vaginas Underwear

$15 from Etsy »

Did you get drunk and pee your pants last night? Did you throw your panties on stage during the New Year's Eve Super Diamond Neil Diamond cover band show? Did you sneak out of the bed you woke up in at 5:00 a.m. and leave...

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Marshmallow Crossbow

Mr. Stay Puft's got nothing on my Mallow Bow. Sure, he can stomp on people, toss cars, and tear down buildings, but I can dole out cavities, high blood sugar, and toothaches. Straight to the kisser from 60' away!...

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8lb Bag of Cereal Marshmallows

$40.75 from Amazon »

I must have stumbled upon the end of a rainbow because Jack. Pot. My days of spending 15 minutes crouched over my cereal bowl picking out all the boring healthy* brown bits from Lucky Charms are about to be as over as...

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Giant Cardboard Robot Arms Kit

Discontinued

When I transform into a paper-product-based Optimus Prime, I like to take on a more active role in the process than lifting my giant cardboard robot arms out of a giant cardboard box. So thanks be to Chuck Norris that...

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Holiday Gift Guide: The Geek Edition

All geeks are special. Some because we're being polite and using euphemisms. Others because they are good-natured and endearing and fixed our hard drive and unlocked our iPhone. No matter what kind of special your geek...

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Fresh Whole Rabbit

Sold Out from Amazon »

Nom, nom, nom. It's Hasenpfeffer meets the next-generation three wolf moon shirt. Your days of gnawing on leathery old rabbit parts that taste like a combination of barnyard and the positive ends of AA batteries are over....

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Light-up Arcade Belt Buckles

$42 - $125 from Etsy »

All the sweet one-liners about paying to play, just a quarter for some action, and getting the high score you're thinking of right now? Get your mind above...well, not above the belt exactly. But above the area below...

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5-Pound Bag of Gummi Bears

$10.51 from Amazon »

The best part about a 5-pound bag of Gummi Bears is obviously that it contains approximately 985 Gummi Bears. But the second best part is Haribo's description of those 985 Gummi Bears as "Naturally flavored with balanced...

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Devon Star Wars Watch

$28,500 from Devon »

You like Star Wars. But how much do you like Star Wars? Like, put a dollar amount on it. Go ahead, take a second and do it....

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Loloz - Cavity-Fighting Lollipops

$29.99 from Amazon »

Oh good, now all the Kandi Kids kids can practice responsible oral hygiene when they're high on Molly at the EDM festivals this summer. Your own little ones might love them some brightly-colored, fruity-flavored Loloz...

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Minecraft Creeper Squirrel Feeder

Discontinued

Now might be the first time in my entire life I am tempted to use a certain acronym. I definitely, 100% won't write it, but when I saw this Minecraft Creeper squirrel feeder in Rick Roemer's Etsy shop I legitimately did...