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Colon Cleaner Hot Sauce

By: on April 25, 2013
$8.69
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Not only is this item called Colon Cleaner Hot Sauce, but it's sold by a vendor named Professor Phardtpounders. How tacky and immature. I want some. Specifically, I want a concoction of Scotch bonnet peppers, mustard, modified food starch, salt, onions, water, vinegar, turmeric, sugar, and sodium benzoate to breathe uncomfortable, yet cleansing fire into my excretory system. I could also probably use an egg dog to pour my Colon Cleaner over on the way in, and then some Subtle Butt pads and a Squatty Potty to help manage it on the way out.

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Pumpkin Spice Spray-On Spice

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I've been waiting to show you this can of Pumpkin Spice Spray-On Spice. Waiting for the season of PSL, and Pumpkin Spice everything else, to arrive. My coffee run this morning confirmed it has. Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Pumpkin...

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SpiceStack Spice Organizer

$29.99 - $38.92 from Amazon »

SpiceStack is a rack that tucks away your herbs on tidy shelves when you don't need them, and then flips them down for easy viewing and easier access when you do. And for once, I'm talking about the herbs that go in your...

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Paqui Carolina Reaper Madness Chip

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Betcha can't eat just one. Maybe not even one bite. Paqui says its Carolina Reaper Madness Chip is made with the hottest chile pepper on earth, and possibly in all the circles of hell. It's so hot they package them in...

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Refillable Sriracha Keychain

$14.99 from Amazon »

I know there are a few problems with this Sriracha keychain. Like in addition to enabling me to deliberately put Sriracha on my breakfast burritos and Philly cheese dips on the go, it's also going to enable me to inadvertently...

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Zach's Sprayable Wing Sauce

I had the best grilled chicken wings I ever ate on Super Bowl Sunday in Charleston, SC this year. Then the next day I got grilled chicken wings at a different spot and they became the best chicken wings I ever ate. Charleston...

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Pokemon Pokeball Herb Grinder

$7.74 from Amazon »

Time to grind me some Pokemon! What, no? That's not how the game works? Then what am I supposed to do with this Pokeball Grinder?...

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Fuego Box Craft Hot Sauce Club

Light up Father's Day with a Fuego Box craft hot sauce club subscription for Dad. Dad can't take the heat? No problem. Fuego has a Mellow Box 3-pack ($29.95) in their collection of hot sauce gifts too. You can save the...

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Satan's Blood Hot Sauce

$15.85 from Amazon »

Satan's Blood Hot Sauce comes in a "blood vial shaped bottle with 800,000 Scoville units of pepper extract." Yeah, I can see that. I can also see a cock & balls ready to spew a scorching, blinding, fiery-hot death onto...

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Sriracha Seasoning Stix

Mmmmm, impalement coming soon to steak near you. Sriracha Seasoning Stix are solidified pokers of the iconic rooster sauce--the hot cock's hot cock, if you will--made to spice up your meat prior to cooking. Press a few...

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Darth Vader Grinder

$8.21 from Amazon »

Who'd-a thought Darth Vader could grind? It looks like the Dark Lord has added pulverizing your favorite herbs and spices with an Exorcist-caliber 360-degree spin of his head to existing his repertoire of menacing, saber...

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Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat

$23.79 from Amazon »

Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat. Yep, I love me some of all of those things. But mastering them as elements of good cooking...that sounds like a job for my mama! Good thing I'll be needing a gift for her come Mother's Day on May...uh...May...something. I'll have to look that up later....

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Ghost Pepper Honey

$14.99 from Geddes Farms »

And she looked at you and said, "You want your honey? Oh, this bitch is about to give you your honey." I think that's the inspiration behind Geddes Farms' Ghost Pepper Honey. The retaliation might not go quite as planned...