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Cereal Motel Adult Cereals

By: on March 21, 2017
$12.50
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Cereal Motel has a slightly different take on "adult" cereal than Fiber One and unfrosted Mini Wheats do. It's a take I like a whole, whole lot more than whole grains and improved bowel movements. Cereal Motel makes "deliciously inappropriate cereal for grown-ups." And, yes, the image on the cover of their box of Booty Pops is indeed a nod to the infamous Kim Kardashian nude shoot for Paper Magazine. And also Catwoman. Perhaps a suggestion to whomever casts the next Batman movie.

Can we pause on that for a minute? Kim Kardashian as Catwoman. Alright, whether you just vomited or jizzed in your pants, let's get cleaned up and back to our dirty cereal.

Maybe even better than Cereal Motel's Booty Pops, Porn Flakes, Vice Krispies, and Sugar Tits is the prize they'll mail to you if you cut out and collect tabs from any 10 boxes: a tray of Kissing Cups, to-go coffee cups with human face lids you can rated-R make out with as you guzzle your morning coffee and mow down on some adult cereal.

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Sexy TRON Outfit

Discontinued

Wise shoppers know that when buying a gift, you should choose something for the recipient that you would never choose to buy for yourself. In that vein, this smokin' hot, 12-gauge clear plastic TRON corset lined with...

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Man Up!: 367 Classic Skills for the Modern Guy

$9.98 from Amazon »

Man Up!: 367 Classic Skills for the Modern Guy gives you tips for mastering your career, relationships, grooming routine, and adult life in general. A whole year's worth! On a leap year! With one more to grow on! Yeah...what's...

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TRON: Legacy Siren Gem Bodysuit

$2k from Dame Fatale »

Sadly, this bodysuit covers more skin than the TRON corset, but since it's made out of stretch fabric instead of 12-gauge plastic, it does allow for increased mobility during re-enactments of the movie's action sequences...

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Ladobi Erotic Film Earphones

$30.69 from Firebox.com »

If you're going to spend a fine Wednesday evening listening to people F softly, screw gently, hump sweetly, ball discreetly, and then F'ing bone completely, wouldn't you prefer that they not sound like Jack Black scraping...

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Knork Matte Black Titanium Flatware

$30.62 from Amazon »

Modern, industrial, functional, and Black. Knork's set of matte black flatware brings the company's combo cutlery concept to the Dark Side....

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NEGG Boiled Egg Peeler

$17.95 from Amazon »

So far my favorite part about the NEGG boiled egg peeler is 18 seconds into the demo video. That's when a patient-looking grandma hand gets frustrated with her old-fashioned egg-peeling efforts and squashes the whole...

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Cereal Killer Bowl

Sold Out from Amazon »

Decimate the Froot Loops, eradicate the Frosted Flakes, eliminate all traces of Trix with the Cereal Killer Bowl. Those Charms may be Lucky before the box is opened, but once once they hit your Dexter-approved bowl, it's...

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The Breakfast Bowl - Cereal Bowl & Pipe

I found some new cereals for your Sunday brunch. They're called Special Kanga Kush and Lucky Choo Choo Charms. You can eat them from this glass breakfast bowl....

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SEXCEREAL

$19.57 - $107.85 from Sexcereal »

SEXCEREAL is the most ingenius display of product spinning and effective branding I've seen since I was 18 months old and my mama transformed spoonfuls of pureed peas into airplanes. Actually, it's even better because...

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Wake 'n' Bake Coffee Mug

$49.95 from Amazon »

There are a ton of these wake 'n' bake mugs out there, but I went with the delightful navy blue one you see here because its marketing is genius. Coffee or tea alongside my morning tokes? Pssshhh, F that. Fill that pipe...

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School of Hard Blocks - Alphabet Blocks for Adults

The School of Hard Blocks is a set of 12 alphabet blocks modeled after the traditional wood children's blocks, but made of concrete. And made for adults who need to learn, ponder, or build up their own ABCs. Adultery....

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Grubbin' on the Couch Bowls

It's time for a tactical chowdown. No Netflix marathon is complete without a parade of snacks on the coffee table, and every parade marches better with a bowl of Froot Loops as its grand marshal. Frosted Flakes if you...