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20 Pounds of Japanese Wagyu Beef Filet Mignons

By: on January 12, 2017
$3,999.99
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One look at these Japanese Wagyu beef filet mignons--their decadent marbling, their popped-cherry rosiness--and you're like, F you, dude! Why would you show me the most delicious meat on earth? There goes my New Year's resolution to lose 20 pounds! But just calm down there for a minute. Long enough to check out the price tag on Loco Steaks' 100% authentic, A5-grade Kuroge breed cows. See? May as well stick with the diet because it's going to take at least as long to save up enough to buy their 20 pounds as it is to lose 20 of your own.

OK, now you can say it.

F you, dude! Why would you show me the most delicious meat on earth that I can't afford? There goes my New Year's resolution not to troll internet bloggers!

On the bright side, you can save almost 50% by buying only 10 pounds.

Loco Steaks packs 2 x 10-pound slabs of whole-piece frozen Wagyu beef into vacuum-sealed carriers for shipment. Filets arrive boneless and with a guaranteed "perfectly marbled texture" for maximal juiciness and in-your-mouth meltiness.

The company says its Kuroge Wagyu cattle are raised humanely and on grass for 30 months. Their natural diet consists of wheat, rice, corn, and barley, and they enjoy a stress-free life with regular massages for muscle stimulation (no, that last part is not a joke.)