Zombie Gumball Machine

By: on August 24, 2012
  • Zombie Gumball Machine
  • Zombie Gumball Machine
  • Zombie Gumball Machine Closeup
  • Insane Clown Gumball Machine

I hope a hissing zombie with a sinister smile and graying flesh that has 80% rotted into a muscle-fascia-exposing slimy film, who's in the midst of ripping open his own abdomen to reveal a fun and colorful smorgasbord of gumballs doesn't give anyone the creeps. But if it does--and I don't say this as a reverse psychological ploy, I say it in all seriousness--don't scroll down. Juneau Studios' superbly disturbing Zombie Gumball Machine will start looking like a furry white puppy you want to smother in hugs and kisses and belly rubs compared to their I-think-I-just-pissed-my-pants Insane Zombie Clown Gumball Machine. I don't even really have a fear of clowns--though I have been a little wary of them since 1997, when I saw that Michael Douglas movie The Game--but this clown's flayed and contorted face with the bulbous red nose and rainbow wig is a nightmare waiting to happen. Dude, that movie The Game was so good. I haven't thought about it in years, but now I can't stop. It's about this billionaire whose 50th birthday is coming up and he is kind of shrewd and unfeeling and wasting away his life, so his brother buys him this present and then he meets this chick and then people are after them and he spends the rest of the movie trying not to die. It's so good. I need to add it to my pirated downloads queue. Anyway, there's one scene in the beginning where he comes home to his 30,000 square foot mansion late at night and finds a life-size clown doll laying in his driveway. David Fincher was the movie's director, so trust me, the scene is F'd up. I mean, it didn't necessarily make me terrified of all clowns, but it did make me very suspicious of them. And this clown--the gumball one you shouldn't scroll down to if you have any sort of aversion to circus jesters in loud primary colors--is like the clown from The Game times 50 in both the scary department and the making me suspicious department, the latter particularly because he appears to be targeting children and trying to lure them in with his candy-coated gumballs.


Zombie Gumball Machines all stand 4-1/2 feet tall and are crafted and molded from fiberglass. The machines may also be stocked with non-gumball items, such as candy, bouncy balls, and glow sticks. Orders include the zombie, vending machine, and machine stand, but not the gumballs, or the earplugs you'll probably need for the first time anyone walks into your house and sees it.

Buy Now

Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit

$331.68 from Amazon »

Are you prepared to fight for the survival and integrity of family, friends, and the human race in apocalyptic combat with the ambulatory dead? In other words, do you want to buy a 7-piece set of gut-ripping knives and...

Check it out

Zombie Apocalypse Bedding

$130 - $160 from It's Alive! Designs »

Think about those nights you bolt upright in bed, heart racing, salty with cold sweat, awakened from a nightmare just before you meet your final doom. Now think about the rush of relief you feel as you take in the solitude...

Check it out

Flayed Flesh Garters

Sold Out from Etsy »

Take peek-a-boo garters to the next level: peek-a-boo blood vessels and layers of muscle tissue, courtesy of open-wound prostheses and stocking accoutrements from Etsy's Meaghan O'Keefe. A pair of unpainted latex prostheses...

Check it out

Zombie Hammer Survival Tools

$79.95 - $139.95 from Zombie Hammer »

"Zombie Hammer survival tools are designed to last longer than cockroaches." Longer than cockroaches! Now that's a sell. This knuckle dustered cache of apocalyptic weapons must have a collective immune system of steel!...

Check it out

Zombie Head Bowling Balls

Zombies really have taken over the world, huh? Or at least the free market economy. The clever German capitalists who designed this introduction of the omnipresent living dead to the bowling alley made a good move though....

Check it out

Zombie Gnomes: Bye Bye Birdie

$37 from Etsy »

This is what we call an imperfect synergy. In the battle of the two tackiest, yet most often seen yard decorations (no offense fake plastic deer), it looks as if the gnomes have won. And it was bloody. Zombie gnomes 1...

Buy Now

Motion Activated Candy Dispenser

$59.99 from Amazon »

I do appreciate that a motion activated candy dispenser means touchless operation and, therefore, no transfer of germs between all the grimy hands that would otherwise be cranking the metal knob, opening the lid, and...

Check it out

In Case Of Cabinets

$200 from In Case Of »

In case of a zombie, vampire, werewolf, or demon emergency take this tiny sledgehammer, break the glass, and prepare to fight for your life. Or run like a girl while tossing Holy Water over your shoulder. In Case Of cabinets...

Check it out

Zombie Tools

$189.95 - $574.95 from Zombie Tools »

Am I tired of zombies? Mmm...not really. Am I tired of ominous-looking, exceptionally hand-smithed swords and knives and machetes with blades sharp enough to slice through 24 cans of PBR in one blow (and a few tries)?...

Check it out

Arcade Sofa

By: Harow »

1991 brought Street Fighter II. 2017 brings the Street Fighter II Arcade Sofa. Relive your 90s glory playing the game...and then maybe get a different type of game on...on it....

Check it out

Chain Link Zombie Slayer Axe


Blacksmith Stephen Heeney designed and welded this chain link axe himself. He does not recommend using it to chop wood. He recommends using it to hack the ever loving viral entrails and decaying brain matter out of zombies....

Buy Now

The Dead of Night Zombie Lamp

$135 from Amazon »

When you're spooked and unsettled in the dead of night, flick on this zombie lamp and - Waahhh! - realize that's what was spooking and unsettling you in the first place. The Dead of Night Lamp from sculptor and FX artist...