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S**tfaced Horse Wine Bottle Holder

By: on June 27, 2012
$29.84
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The lesson here is when a racehorse never drinks water and always drinks wine, he doesn't win races, he becomes an alcoholic. And while manufacturer Rivers Edge would have us think we're doing track retiree Stewball a favor hiring him to showcase our 2006 bottles of Barolo and Cab Franc, one glance at him frozen shitfaced with his ass in the air makes it abundantly clear that the pleasure, it is all his.

In addition to standard 750 mL bottles of wine, booze-guzzlin' horses are down for wrapping hooves and lips around whiskey, beer, and other similarly sized libations begging for a one-nutsack-shy-of-tacky means of display. The bottle holder is made of hand painted poly resin.

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Bar Bones Skull Drink Markers

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Enough with the drink charms shaped like hearts and kitty cats. I need a sinister skull to mind my glass of rose bubbles. Uh, I mean, whiskey. Neat....

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The Don Vino Wine Table

$3,500 - $5k from Chicone »

I'm crowning the Don Vino Wine Table "The Godfather of Wine Storage." Not just because creator Chicone Cabinetmakers has given it the Italian Don honor, but also because it is a unique, classy, and dually functional piece...

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Aura Glass - Spill Resistant Aerating Glassware

$59.95 from Aura Glass »

Since most of us spin and swish our glasses of wine and whiskey to aerate them anyway, Aura Glass has come up with a (mighty fine looking, I must say) way to do it without sloshing the wine and whiskey all over the table....

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Cabidor Door Storage Cabinet

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Behind Door #1 we have...a full-length pantry of Combos and Cap'n Crunch! And Behind Door #1-1/2 we have...a dozen classic NES cartridges, a coupla Koosh balls, and VHS cassettes of the best porn from my childhood (circa...

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Ullo Sulfite Remover & Wine Aerator

$79.95 from Wine Enthusiast »

But Ullo, the best part about a night of free-flowing bottles of cheap red wine is the cranial eruption I feel building in my sinuses the next morning! Why would I want to filter out the sulfites responsible for it*?...

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Don't Break the Bottle Wine Puzzle

$16.98 from Amazon »

Oh, Dad. You're such a sage. A simultaneous student and master of life. Willing pawn of the golf course, declared slave to the fishing pole. A magnate at the office, a maestro on the grill. Cigar aficionado, connoisseur...

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Sciabola del Sommelier - Champagne Sabres

$124 from Amazon »

Great. I'm gonna have to start drinking white and pink bubble wine. Because hacking off bottle necks with a Champagne Sabre is the only way my girlfriend's ever going to agree to let me wield a sword around the house....

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Horse Head Squirrel Feeder

$12.85 from Amazon »

We've seen dudes with horse head masks and we've seen squirrels with big head feeders, so to complete the triangle of masks and garden critter nourishment, Archie McPhee obviously had to create a Horse Head Squi

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Bam Vino Wine & Liquor Bottle Holders

$29.97 - $73.09 from Amazon »

Even if your Bam Vino is wearing the cap of your favorite MLB team, it's OK to pray for a swing and a miss when the bat's your $300 bottle of Richebourg Grand Cru. Or, if you're not into wine, this baseball player bust...

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The Champagne Gun

Bubbles not bullets. Whether you're a child of the flowers or a child of the second amendment, I think we can agree: the Champagne Gun speaks to all of us....

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Revolution Sideways Wine Glasses

$59 from GNR 8 »

What's nice about the Revolution wine glass being turned on its side is that it makes it easy for someone else to hold the stem and feed me more wine, or whiskey, when I'm too incapacitated to do it myself. Oh no wait...

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Cooper Cooler 60-Second Beer Chiller

$69.99 - $79.55 from Amazon »

Mmm, there's nothing I love more than a nice warm beer. Except maybe a tetanus shot. The Cooper Cooler is similar to the SpinChill, but bigger, faster, and with a plug. It cools a 12-ounce can or bottle of beer from an...