Boobs Ice Luge
- iBoobies iPhone Case - $8.04
- Giant Boob Stress-Relieving Squishy Ball - $13.44
- Boobs: The search for the best cleavage on Facebook - $2.99
- Inflatable Boob Pillow - $6.64
- Illuminated Ice Luge Kit - $195.95
And you always thought she was an icy bitch because you couldn't get to second base. The Boob Luge puts a positive spin on the cold reality of interacting with women. Also, just like in the good ol' days of infancy, it allows thirsty boys (and girls, we guess) to lock lips with a nipple, and feel the nourishment flow. Only difference is, this ice cold rack's mammary duct work spurts out milk that's 80 proof.
Each boob has its own feeding funnel, so party goers can ride twin-style on the molded areolas of anatomical perfection. The luge measures 12" x 12" x 8", and holds about 2 gallons of water. Keep in mind, though, that the entire freezing process takes 48 hours, and plan your nipple-nuzzling accordingly.
Note to guys who don't have a mommy complex: we get that the thought of sucking liquid from a teat as a grown-ass man may not be DD-lightful. So we recommend taking a warmup shot or two from between the ice bust's breasts. You know, do something you're used to, and then ease yourself in to going full-on Oedipal.