17

TheraGun Muscle Massager

By: on June 18, 2017
Sold Out from
Check It Out

The TheraGun muscle massager might be the non-human massager to end all massagers. In fact, I'd bet a crisp Abe Lincoln it could give most human proffesionals a run for their money too. Tension and pain relief, increased blood flow, relaxation...well. Maybe relaxation isn't at the top of the list of benefits you'll receive during TheraGun use.

Check out the video above starting at 0:17. The therapist administering a dose of TheraGun to some dude's (lady's?) calf. Yikes. Talk about an unappealing application of the term, Bouncy, bouncy.

And speaking of things that make you want to have sex, despite the TheraGun's use of the word "massager" in its description, I wouldn't recommend using it in the same way you would one of those other "multi-purpose" massagers, like the Hitachi Magic Wand or the Wanachi Mega Massager.

For athletes, or anyone with seriously jacked up and tight muscles, the TheraGun is a professional-grade tool for increasing blood flow, decreasing lactic acid buildup, and cutting off the pain cycle that typically follows intense workouts or activity. It operates with a rechargeable li-ion battery, and includes 1 x ball and 1 x cone attachment, you can switch out based on your preferred shape of TheraGun torture.

Buy Now

MYO Telekinetic Armband

$199.99 from Amazon »

Well, telekinetic is only part of the story. Is telemusculokinetic a word too? Maybe that's redundant. Remote control muscles? Yeah, let's go with RC muscles. MYO armbands transform muscles--specifically the arm, or as...

Buy Now

Neck Carriage Titanium Palm Cap Stick

$35.95 from Amazon »

Ti Rod Tactical's Titanium Palm Cap Stick might be the most strangely versatile piece of EDC you can hang around your neck. The 5" long x 0.44" in diameter piece is made of an aerospace grade 5 titanium rod, surrounded...

Check it out

Axon Fitness Stick with Light Feedback

$199 - $249 from Axon »

The Axon fitness stick, a strength tracker and trainer with LED light feedback, takes me back to my youth. To Happy Joe's Pizza Parlor & Arcade, home of a Love Tester machine? Remember that one? Squeeze the handle as...

Check it out

THOR Hammer Tool Kit

Utilitarian cosplay. How many occasions do you have to use those two words together in a sentence? (And can you say them 5 times fast?) Ever since I got the ix-nay on wearing my "formal and "functional" Mongol armor suit...

Buy Now

Waves MFS Physio-Tactical Pocket Stick

Sold Out from Amazon »

Designer Rainer Wenning calls his Waves MFS a "physio-tactical" palm stick, which might be the best bit of pretentious, made-up terminology I've ever heard. Because what "physio-tactical" basically means is that after...

Buy Now

Mysseuse Self-Massager & Towel Holder

$24.99 from Amazon »

I've makeshift Mysseuse-d myself on the corner of a wall or door more times than I can count. And self-massages with devices like the Shiatsu Pillow and doohickies like the Beastie Bar have become pretty popular for kneading...

Check it out

Muscle-Enhancing Shirt

$48.50 from FunkyBod »

Money can squeeze the fat in, and now money can carve the muscle out. Which means there are exactly 0 reasons left for me to exercise. What? Avoiding heart disease and diabetes? Psshhh! Preventable, life-threatening afflictions...

Buy Now

BASH Unbreakable Sledge Hammers

$36.89 - $136.29 from Amazon »

Though he'll probably stick with Mjolnir for wailing on Loki, if Thor were a construction worker I bet he would use one of Wilton's BASH Unbreakable Sledge Hammers. Touted the toughest sledge ever built, BASHes with heads...

Buy Now

Fat Gripz Arm Builders

$38.95 from Amazon »

Obviously the best thing to do if you want to be as strong and jacked as humanly possible is take a lot of steroids. But since steroids are expensive and mostly illegal and might make you talk like Mickey Mouse, an alternative...

Buy Now

Qore Performance Hydration Shirt

$143.91 - $179 from Amazon »

What I would like Qore's Hydration Shirt to do is osmosis water through my skin from tiny little reservoirs housed in its bicep, triceps, shoulders, and abs--sized and shaped to looked like the ripped results of my own...

Check it out

Naked 3D Fitness Scanner

$499 from Naked »

All you metric-driven, body-conscious visual learners out there, it's time to get Naked. And anyone else intrigued by the idea of using regular 3D body scans to track health and fitness, you might want to give this full-length...

Buy Now

Kootek Self-Defense Flashlight

$27.99 from Amazon »

Need a knife, a hammer, and a self defense club in a flash? Then you might want to carry Kootek's knife, hammer, and self defense club in a flash...light....