55-Gallon Barrel of Lube
- Kimmi the Japanimation Love Doll - $30.77
- Überlube Luxury Lubricant - $18.00
- Pure Nude Yoga - $1.99
- Horrifying Unicorn Mask for Role Playing Endeavors - $26.20
- Very Private pH Balanced Body Wash - $14.95
The most disturbing thing about a 55-gallon barrel of lube is not so much that it's a flippin' 55-gallon barrel of lube, but that a 55-gallon barrel of lube costs over $2,000. I mean, I know people want to have this sort of thing on hand for the times they eat too much salt and can't get their rings off, or the kids' heads get stuck in the stair guardrails, but come on, wouldn't it be cheaper to...huh? Lube wrestling? Lube and Saran wrap slip 'n' slides? Frictionless fu...o-oh. So that's why it says "PASSION" and has a romantic little doily design on the front of the drum. In that case, totally worth the price.
The lubricant is water-based, and Passion promises it has a natural feel that both "keeps you moist longer", and is easily removed with warm soapy water. Thankfully, the barrel also comes with a lube pump, so no one has to use Grandma's antique soup ladle to serve it up. Though the drum weight is not listed, there is an interesting note explaining that Passion ships via freight due to air cargo weight limitations. So when it gets delivered, maybe be sure to have the UPS guy hand truck it to where you want it, and then don't get any crazy ideas about relocation. Because herniating a disk trying to move a 55-gallon barrel of lube not only makes for an awkward story to tell the doctor, but also significantly inhibits the enjoyment of the lube.