23

Motion Activated Candy Dispenser

By: on November 24, 2017
$59.99
Check It Out

I do appreciate that a motion activated candy dispenser means touchless operation and, therefore, no transfer of germs between all the grimy hands that would otherwise be cranking the metal knob, opening the lid, and digging into the candy cubby. But mostly I like that a motion activated candy dispenser means less work for lazy me! No cranking! No lifting! No digging!

And by the looks of it, there's no coin slot on this gumball machine, so no paying either!

The touchless candy dispenser does have preset dispensing amounts, so stingy overlords can dole out just a few bits per turn at level 1, while benevolent snack fairies crank it to level 4 and make it rain the whole Skittles rainbow. The machine also works well with M&Ms, jelly beans, gumballs, and unsalted nuts.

Buy Now

Liquor Log Booze Dispenser

$119 from Amazon »

Now this is the kind of Yule Log I'm talking about. How better to bring good tidings to you and all of your kin than with a nice bottle of Jameson or Jack chug-a-lugging out the tap on an urban harvested Ohio hardwood...

Check it out

26-Pound Gummy Python

$149.99 from Vat 19 »

Oh look, a snake that can kill you without biting, constricting, or even being alive. At 84" long, 26.9 pounds, and a staggering 36,720 calories, the Gummy Python will inflict anything from hyperglycemia to ruptured intestines...

Buy Now

Chocolate Candy Bar Maker

$30.36 from Amazon »

Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife, hide yo' husband! No one's getting their hands on the Chocolate Candy Bar Maker but me! Chocolate's loyal, and gluttonous, and selfish little whore slave. No, redact that redaction. Whore!...

Buy Now

Ship in a Bottle Whiskey Decanter & Dispenser

$99 from Amazon »

I don't care how they got this ship in the bottle as long as I know how to get the booze it's sailing through out. A wood base handcrafted in Kentucky serves as a classy pedestal to the mounted glass whiskey decanter...

Check it out

Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate Bar

$7.99 from ThinkGeek »

What took them so long? Although I'd prefer an Augustus Gloop drowning in chocolate bar, Han Solo's plight lends itself nicely to aiding in the fattening of America as well. Jabba The Hutt, although posing no long term...

Buy Now

Bulk Single Flavor Candy

$10.99 - $50.98 from Amazon »

Mama! I said I only want the Cherry Starburst! Only the Cherries! Ahhh, just remembering the days when my mama had to toil over picking out all the good Starburst, Skittles, and Tootsie Pop flavors for me. The days before...

Buy Now

10-Pound Toblerone Bar

$105.92 from Amazon »

Toblerone has built 45, 100-gram servings into their 10-pound mountain range of chocolate, honey, and almond nougat. That's:...

Buy Now

Japanese Kit Kat Bars

$0.92 - $29.99 from Amazon »

Why are green Kit Kats so mesmerizing? Because they look like Zombie Kit Kats? Their flavor is Maccha Green Tea, so they can't possibly taste like anything resembling good, yet they have been flying off the virtual shelves...

Buy Now

5-Pound Bag of Gummi Bears

$10.51 from Amazon »

The best part about a 5-pound bag of Gummi Bears is obviously that it contains approximately 985 Gummi Bears. But the second best part is Haribo's description of those 985 Gummi Bears as "Naturally flavored with balanced...

Buy Now

Dry Brew Coffee Chews

$17.99 from Amazon »

Dry Brew Coffee Chews are for those of us who can't tear ourselves away from the computer--or the Xbox--long enough to get our 3:00 cups o' pick-me-up. And those, such as runners and bikers, who don't have the space or...

Buy Now

Automatic Toothpaste Dispenser & Holder

$8.99 from Amazon »

It's not that I'm lazy (well, I am, but that's not why I want an automatic toothpaste dispenser) it's that no matter how diligent I am my toothpaste always devolves into a lumpy tube of wasted product with nasty, gummy...

Check it out

Game of Thrones Chocolate Dragon Egg

I tried one of Truffle Cottage's Game of Thrones Chocolate Dragon Eggs last night. And if by "tried" you think I mean "demolished," then you are correct, sir! I think She-Ra: Princess of Power ate a couple from the stash...