Grow Glow Snow

Posted: November 30, 2013
Grow Glow Snow
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Grow Glow Snow! It's not a request, it's an order, son! Get a bowl! Get some water! Watch it expand to 100 times its starting size, just like a diaper that's been pissed in*! And, if you're a real man, turn off the lights and watch that Vanilla Ice glow.

Grow Glow Snow is safe and easy to use for kids 6 and up. It's not cold, and lacks the precise texture of real snow, but will contribute just as faithfully to an afternoon's fun, and leave behind just as big of a mess. And it's reusable. Once dried, return to the snow to its storage container and shelf it until the next time you feel like vacuuming the floor, the baseboards, the blinds, and the kitchen table rolls around.

*True story. The hydrophilic powder used to make Grow Glow Snow is the same polymer stuffed inside diapers to absorb baby grossness, keep their wearers dryer for longer, and allegedly enable you to sleep through the night. I say allegedly because I believe most babies actually start screaming in the middle of the night not because they've soiled their Huggies, but because they're spiteful little dictators desiring to flaunt the power they have over their parents. A better alternative to super-absorbent diapers is not having kids.

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