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Grow Glow Snow

By: on November 30, 2013
$9.17
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Grow Glow Snow! It's not a request, it's an order, son! Get a bowl! Get some water! Watch it expand to 100 times its starting size, just like a diaper that's been pissed in*! And, if you're a real man, turn off the lights and watch that Vanilla Ice glow.

Grow Glow Snow is safe and easy to use for kids 6 and up. It's not cold, and lacks the precise texture of real snow, but will contribute just as faithfully to an afternoon's fun, and leave behind just as big of a mess. And it's reusable. Once dried, return to the snow to its storage container and shelf it until the next time you feel like vacuuming the floor, the baseboards, the blinds, and the kitchen table rolls around.

*True story. The hydrophilic powder used to make Grow Glow Snow is the same polymer stuffed inside diapers to absorb baby grossness, keep their wearers dryer for longer, and allegedly enable you to sleep through the night. I say allegedly because I believe most babies actually start screaming in the middle of the night not because they've soiled their Huggies, but because they're spiteful little dictators desiring to flaunt the power they have over their parents. A better alternative to super-absorbent diapers is not having kids.

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Tritium Keychains

Discontinued

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$275 - $375 from Black Badger »

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Sadly, you cannot install Insta-Chains on your Honda Fit for instant traction in snow and ice conditions; the whirling automatic tire chains are made only for large commercial vehicles. But if you're a professional truck...

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A 2012 red dot award winner for design concept, Lin Min-Wei and Liu Li-Hsiang's Rain Shield could make carrying an umbrella 1) somewhat stylish and 2) more than an exercise in futility. Its shield-like construction uses...

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Kobi Autonomous Yard Work Robot

$3,999 from Kobi »

Kobi eats snow for breakfast! Kobi mows lawns with the stamina of a gamer sitting down to Gears of War 4 for the first time. Kobi sucks up leaves and spits them out like a piece of sushi that looks delicious on the plate...

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Torch Wearable Coat Heater

$58.90 from Amazon »

Torch, a universal, wearable coat heater invites you to get fired up, and take this year's winter storms by storm. Use the wraparound warmer to up your puffy coat's game, or trade the marshmallow-in-a-trash-bag look for...

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LED Snow Flurry Projection Light

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$45.99 - $60.99 from Amazon »

Super Snow Socks aren't for the interminably cold feet of my girlfriend*, they're for the traction-challenged feet of my car that show up whenever winter drinks too much and then pukes it up all over the road just in...

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Oh boy, it's like a dinosaur mixed with a firefly mixed with that neat-o photosynthesis word I learned in middle school. Dino Pet, a compilation of living, bioluminescent organisms called dinoflagellates housed in an...

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Sled Legs are made in Canada. And that's your news for the day that contains no shock value, no potential for angering the masses, and nothing that makes you question how the hell we got here. In fact, it might be the...