The Vampire Combat Manual

It's a guide to fighting the bloodthirsty undead. As opposed to the brain-hungry undead. The Vampire Combat Manual is a necessary complement to anyone's zombie killing kit or how-to book, and adds to contemporary society's obsessive preparations for battling the occult during a seemingly imminent apocalyptic event. Learn how to successfully engage in combat when face to fang with a vamp. Avoid injury, disfigurement, exsanguination, and the dreaded hypnosis thing they pull and then use to make you do embarrassing things like melting a piece of cheese on your nipple, and texting your ex-girlfriend a picture of an empty deep freezer and a sign that says, "Your heart."

The Vampire Combat Manual will also:

• Debunk myths surrounding vampire flight, animal metamorphosis, and physical attraction to humans.
• Provide detailed instructions on how to transform everyday materials into weapons deadly enough to deaden the undead for good.
• Depict methods of harnessing Ultraviolet light for use against a vampire.
• Explore the pros and cons of decapitation.
• Provide insight on the Domicile Histodiscordant Reaction (DHR), aka inviting a vampire in.
• Share firsthand accounts from vampire combat veterans (we're sensing an Abraham Lincoln surprise appearance), plus interviews with actual members of the undead.

The Vampire Combat Manual Gifts

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer Full Scale Scythe Replica - $699.99
• Professional Vampire Fangs - $14.95
• Abe Lincoln LEGO Figurine with Vampire Head - $18.99
• The Zombie Combat Manual - $8.97
• Vampire Bite Temporary Tattoos - $7.95