It's a guide to fighting the bloodthirsty undead. As opposed to the brain-hungry undead. The Vampire Combat Manual is a necessary complement to anyone's zombie killing kit or how-to book, and adds to contemporary society's obsessive preparations for battling the occult during a seemingly imminent apocalyptic event. Learn how to successfully engage in combat when face to fang with a vamp. Avoid injury, disfigurement, exsanguination, and the dreaded hypnosis thing they pull and then use to make you do embarrassing things like melting a piece of cheese on your nipple, and texting your ex-girlfriend a picture of an empty deep freezer and a sign that says, "Your heart."
The Vampire Combat Manual will also:
- Debunk myths surrounding vampire flight, animal metamorphosis, and physical attraction to humans.
- Provide detailed instructions on how to transform everyday materials into weapons deadly enough to deaden the undead for good.
- Depict methods of harnessing Ultraviolet light for use against a vampire.
- Explore the pros and cons of decapitation.
- Provide insight on the Domicile Histodiscordant Reaction (DHR), aka inviting a vampire in.
- Share firsthand accounts from vampire combat veterans (we're sensing an Abraham Lincoln surprise appearance), plus interviews with actual members of the undead.