The Art of Fixing Things

Posted: March 13, 2013

In: Entertainment ➠ Books

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The Art of Fixing Things. That's some euphemistic phrasing right there. Probably coined by someone who is too cheap to just hire someone for other people who are too cheap to just hire someone to use in manipulating husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, mamas, popses, male buddies, and randos at the gym who appear to be able to bench more than the average couch weighs into doing chores and DIY projects for them.

"Oh no, spending your entire Sunday afternoon dicking around with my leaking dishwasher and misfiring spark plugs isn't a tedious waste of time...it's an art."

Next thing you know they're going to call changing lightbulbs "illuminative explorations" and refuse to perform even the simplest of home maintenance tasks. I say we nip this problem in the bud right now, before it spirals out of control. The Art of Fixing Things should be added to the banned books list. Right up at the top with, like, Lolita and Naked Lunch. Sex, drugs, and females suckering males into doing handy work: we as a society must disallow the advocacy of such profanity.

What, you like doing projects? Alright then, Daddy-O, The Art of Fixing Things will guide you through repairing all reparable facets of your life--from cars to household appliances, and garden machines to farm equipment. Home improvement how-tos are also included. The manual is, and I quote, "...a resource for smart people who have never had the opportunity to learn the basics of tool use, maintenance, and repairs." Does that statement sound funny to anyone else? It's like The Art of Fixing Things makes handyman jobs accessible to everyone...oh, except the ruhtards. Ruhtards need not apply.

If you do not fall into the ruhtard category, first confirm this fact with at least 5 other people, and then dig in to the guide's 150 tips and tricks for household domination.

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