90

Proper Etiquette for the Modern Degenerate

By: on May 16, 2015
$18.99
Check It Out

Are you the Grand Poobah of politically incorrect? Then I recommend sitting down for a session with Mr. Manners. Not to "fix" yourself into another sociopolitical drone, but to learn how to continue talking trash, playing dirty, taking liberties, and basically doing whatever the hell you want without getting smacked, fired, or tossed in jail. Mr. Manners: Proper Etiquette for the Modern Degenerate is your manual to enjoying the life you deserve. Judgment- and child support-free.

Mr. Manners believes he can teach you "how to cross the line while still being viewed as a gentleman." Topics covered include:

  • Smoothly extracting yourself from the "got a girl pregnant" bind without losing your freedom...or your gentleman-like demeanor.
  • Remaining straight when you find yourself in the less fortunate threesome scenario of 2 guys, 1 girl.
  • Three words: homeopathic STD treatments.
  • Dating a prostitute in a way that is both societally acceptable and financially rewarding.
  • Having rough sex without accidentally murdering your online date.

I could go on but...I have some reading to do.

According to Mr. Manners, once you master the Proper Etiquette for the Modern Degenerate you'll finally realize you're not "a piece of white trash like the media would have you believe." On the contrary, you are a gentleman!

Buy Now

World's Smallest Violin

$11.99 from Amazon »

This is the world's smallest violin, and I'm gonna play it just for you...whiners! So many whiners! At work. On the road. At the checkout line. In my inbox. And the biggest one of all: right there in my bathroom mirror....

Buy Now

Frosty the Eunuch Ugly Christmas Sweater

$65 from Amazon »

Ugly Christmas Sweater season is here. The days, they have shortened. The temperatures, they have dropped. And the Tipsy Elves, they have knitted. The tacky, silly, funny, and dirty entries in their 2017 sweater line...

Check it out

Beef Jerky Flower Bouquets

Men, say it with diamonds. With chocolate truffles. With roses. Ladies, say it with beef. Jerky. In the shape of flowers for good measure. Because even though nothing will tell your man's belly how you feel more than...

Buy Now

How to Be a Drug Dealer

$8.98 from Amazon »

If Breaking Bad didn't provide enough of an education, How to Be a Drug Dealer should fill in any gaps left in your study to achieve proficiency and realize success in your pursuit of the street pharmacist profession....

Buy Now

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

$10.37 from Amazon »

A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...

Buy Now

Cereal Killer Bowl

Sold Out from Amazon »

Decimate the Froot Loops, eradicate the Frosted Flakes, eliminate all traces of Trix with the Cereal Killer Bowl. Those Charms may be Lucky before the box is opened, but once once they hit your Dexter-approved bowl, it's...

Buy Now

Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

Check it out

Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

Check it out

Ex-Boyfriend Revenge Kit

$1,680 from Her Royal Flyness »

I am drawing this Ex-Boyfriend Revenge Kit to the world's attention only so that if anyone sees a woman carrying a bluish-greenish colored purse you'll know to report her immediately to a shrink, the police, and Batman....

Check it out

School of Hard Blocks - Alphabet Blocks for Adults

The School of Hard Blocks is a set of 12 alphabet blocks modeled after the traditional wood children's blocks, but made of concrete. And made for adults who need to learn, ponder, or build up their own ABCs. Adultery....

Buy Now

Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person

$11.19 from Amazon »

...Without Actually Improving Yourself. As a self-help book, Faking It adds a delightful twist: you don't have to journal or meditate or talk about your feelings or change at all to help yourself. You just have to perfect...

Check it out

Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...