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Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill

By: on July 19, 2013
$8.24
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Similar to Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate, Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill: A Book of Zombie Nursery Rhymes manages to make reading to kids fun for adults again. F all of this Dr.Seuss-Dora-Berenstain-Bears-Little-Engine-That-Could crap with morals about sharing and never giving up. Today's youth needs to hear stories about survival. About not getting your ass kicked. About using cunning and brute strength to evade infection...or death!...at the hand of a flesh-eating beast. Today's youth needs Mother Goose goes Monday Night Raw!

Jack and Jill went up to Kill helps fill this gaping hole in child rearing by way of sinister, zombified reimaginations of sing-sing schoolyard tales such as:

  • There Was an Old Zombie Woman Who Lived in a Shoe
  • Little Miss Muffet Turned on a Tuffet
  • Jack Sprat Was a Revenant
  • Peter, Peter, Fresh Brain Eater
  • Mary Ran from a Zombie Lamb
  • Three Zombie Mice

And for your 10-second reading pleasure, here's a day in the life of an undead Miss Muffet:

Little Miss Muffet turned on a tuffet,
Eating fresh brains all day;
Along came a human,
She added some cumin,
And munched the poor man away.

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Zombie Apocalypse Bedding

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Flayed Flesh Garters

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Take peek-a-boo garters to the next level: peek-a-boo blood vessels and layers of muscle tissue, courtesy of open-wound prostheses and stocking accoutrements from Etsy's Meaghan O'Keefe. A pair of unpainted latex prostheses...

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This is what we call an imperfect synergy. In the battle of the two tackiest, yet most often seen yard decorations (no offense fake plastic deer), it looks as if the gnomes have won. And it was bloody. Zombie gnomes 1...

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In Case Of Cabinets

$200 from In Case Of »

In case of a zombie, vampire, werewolf, or demon emergency take this tiny sledgehammer, break the glass, and prepare to fight for your life. Or run like a girl while tossing Holy Water over your shoulder. In Case Of cabinets...

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Zombie Tools

$189.95 - $574.95 from Zombie Tools »

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Handmade Creepy Beer Mugs

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Jo Scravis makes creepy beer mugs. You can use them as coffee mugs too, but I for one wouldn't want to look Horrible Hal Zombie or Angry Fanged Critter in the eye first thing in the morning, before I've had any caffeine....

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Chain Link Zombie Slayer Axe

Discontinued

Blacksmith Stephen Heeney designed and welded this chain link axe himself. He does not recommend using it to chop wood. He recommends using it to hack the ever loving viral entrails and decaying brain matter out of zombies....