Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill

Posted: July 19, 2013
Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill
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Similar to Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate, Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill: A Book of Zombie Nursery Rhymes manages to make reading to kids fun for adults again. F all of this Dr.Seuss-Dora-Berenstain-Bears-Little-Engine-That-Could crap with morals about sharing and never giving up. Today's youth needs to hear stories about survival. About not getting your ass kicked. About using cunning and brute strength to evade infection...or death!...at the hand of a flesh-eating beast. Today's youth needs Mother Goose goes Monday Night Raw!

Jack and Jill went up to Kill helps fill this gaping hole in child rearing by way of sinister, zombified reimaginations of sing-sing schoolyard tales such as:

  • There Was an Old Zombie Woman Who Lived in a Shoe
  • Little Miss Muffet Turned on a Tuffet
  • Jack Sprat Was a Revenant
  • Peter, Peter, Fresh Brain Eater
  • Mary Ran from a Zombie Lamb
  • Three Zombie Mice

And for your 10-second reading pleasure, here's a day in the life of an undead Miss Muffet:

Little Miss Muffet turned on a tuffet,
Eating fresh brains all day;
Along came a human,
She added some cumin,
And munched the poor man away.

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