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Introductory Calculus for Infants

By: on August 20, 2013
$11.66
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One reviewer notes that Introductory Calculus for Infants reads exactly as advertised, except that it won't teach your baby--or you--how to do calculus. She goes on to opine that all who actually expect a children's book to instill complex mathematical disciplines, and who have expressed ire that it does not, should invest in having the evergreen branch lodged up their asses surgically removed. The surgeons performing the procedure likely do know how to do calculus, and may even be able to use it to explain the extraction process. She concludes that these types of people "are also angry that Dr. Seuss' book Green Eggs and Ham did not actually teach them how to prepare said green eggs and ham." So boom! I call dibs on this lady for Team IN YOUR FACE!

Introductory Calculus for Infants author Omi M. Inouye is a computer programmer and self-described "average math student." She wrote a book about two friends and their adventures in calculus land because she is good enough at math to know that geeks love this sort of schtick, and therefore the derivative of F(x) = $$$.

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OLOID Mathematically Perfect Desk Sculpture

$25 - $73 from Kickstarter »

Paul Schatz discovered the oloid in 1929. Yes, discovered. It's not just some rando geometric shape or ergonomically designed fidget toy. The oloid is a real piece of the mathematics puzzle, and Patrick Schneider's OLOID...

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Baby Head Masks

$450 - $500 from Hyperflesh »

People who think babies are angelic and precious, I see your Gerber models, and raise you these three baby head masks. No, make that these three enormous, bulbous, horrifying, spawn-of-Chucky baby head masks. Landon Meier...

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The Baby Muzzle

$149.99 from Japan Trend Shop »

First we saw the Japanese Shouting Vase, an ABS resin stress-reliever that mutes the wails of angry or frustrated souls who need to unleash their fury without disturbing the peace. Now the brilliant minds of Japan--perhaps...

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The Baby Shusher

$31.48 from Amazon »

Either the Baby Shusher shhhhhhh-ing machine is a Nobel Prize-caliber invention, or the baby in that video learned in the womb how to be an Oscar-caliber actor. Arrrgh, that sound, that wailing. I can't think of a noise...

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In Vitro Baby Branding

Ink, sperm and eggs go in, a financially secure future comes out. In vitro fertilization is expensive, and let's face it, so are babies. What better way to offset the costs, and maybe make a little extra (elbow-elbow)...

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Mission Critical Baby Carrier for Dads

Through September 13th, 2105, click here to enter Dude's Mission Critical Baby Carrier & Daypack giveaway. It's your chance to MOLLE up those diapers, bottles & 6-month-olds with a Baby Carrier and Carrier Daypack combo...

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Infant Circumcision Trainer

$192 from Amazon »

Expecting parents who want to trim the fat from ever-rising hospital bills now have the option to save over $2,000 if they are willing to trim the skin from their newborn sons. Created by Ezra Messer, a mohel with more...

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Baby Thug Onesie

$19.95 from Amazon »

"I just did 9 months on the inside...and now that I'm out, my mom is making me wear an orange onesie that, for some reason, encourages many who see me to double-bump a fist against their chest and flash me two fingers."...

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Skoda Man-Pram

By: Skoda »

At the end of the day, you'll still be a dude pushing around a baby...or a pomeranian...in a stroller, but at least with Skoda's Man-Pram you can mow the fuck over anyone who gives you shit about it....

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Windi the Gaspasser Gas & Colic Reliever

$14.99 from Amazon »

Windi the Gaspasser is one of those WTF products I as a childless dude saw and immediately thought was, in this order: a funny joke; a disgusting not-joke; a sad reality. You basically stick this little (un)plug in your...

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Self-Installing Car Seat

$499.99 from Amazon »

The 4moms self-installing car seat may not be the most sparkly, fun, or pampering gift for new moms to unwrap this holiday season, but it could prove to be the greatest they've ever received. Paired with its watchdog...

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Mandelmap Poster

$24 - $58 from Mandelmap »

I'm about to tell you about the Mandelmap, which means my brain is about to get really sore. You might look at the poster and think it looks cool. Artsy layout, vintage finish, and lots of "stuff" spanning its surface...