232

How to Swear Around the World

By: on August 19, 2012
$12.93
Check It Out

Swearing in another language. It's the only thing we really cared to learn during the mandatory years of high school French. Actually, my earliest memories of foreign curse words came much earlier, in 2nd grade, when the term "puta" began circulating. I have a good saucing of Spanish in my heritage, so I thought my mom might be able to tell me what this fun word we were all calling each other meant. I believe her response was something along the lines of, "Where did you learn that?! None of your business!" Later, while eavesdropping on her talking to my dad, I heard her tell him it is a particularly derogatory way to say "whore". Which was very disappointing, because I didn't know what that word meant either.

These days, however, 8-year-olds--and the rest of us--are in luck. Thanks to How to Swear Around the World, we can all bestow one another with titles of dirty whore and no good SOB in myriad languages without the assistance of native speakers, piles of translation dictionaries, or our moms. The explicit phrasebook harbors throngs of crudities, everyday blasphemes, and beatific means of suggesting the minivan doing 50 in the left lane go Make F'ing Itself, Not War in dozens of different languages. Complete with phonetic pronunciations and nifty categories, such as "Swearing in the Face of Life's Daily Disasters" and how to say "Fuck your mother!" in 25 different tongues, from Czech to Tagalog. In its 128 pages, How to Swear Around the World leaves no horse unridden. And, yes, that includes every culture's favorite way to describe riding a horse. You know, as in riding a horse. Or a bear. Or a person's grandmother.

Ooh, I see there are also illustrations.

Muchas danke to HiConsumption.

Buy Now

Cereal Killer Bowl

$24 from Amazon »

Decimate the Froot Loops, eradicate the Frosted Flakes, eliminate all traces of Trix with the Cereal Killer Bowl. Those Charms may be Lucky before the box is opened, but once once they hit your Dexter-approved bowl, it's...

Buy Now

The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas (NSFW)

$9.16 from Amazon »

Is further product description really needed? First there was Georgia O'Keefe, now there is author and illustrator Morgan Hastings. Black-and-white outlines of anatomical wonders beg for your acrylic and Crayola technicolor...

Buy Now

How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety

$8.55 from Amazon »

A must-read for every cat parent! How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives consolidates 8 crucial public service pamphlets into a clear...

Check it out

Conor McGregor F*ck You Pinstripe Suit

$6,500 from David August »

I don't know how long the rest of the world will remember the Conor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather fight after it's over, but anyone who drops $6,500 on a David August Fuck You pinstripe suit like the one McGregor wore...

Check it out

School of Hard Blocks - Alphabet Blocks for Adults

The School of Hard Blocks is a set of 12 alphabet blocks modeled after the traditional wood children's blocks, but made of concrete. And made for adults who need to learn, ponder, or build up their own ABCs. Adultery....

Buy Now

Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person

$11.66 from Amazon »

...Without Actually Improving Yourself. As a self-help book, Faking It adds a delightful twist: you don't have to journal or meditate or talk about your feelings or change at all to help yourself. You just have to perfect...

Check it out

Pencil Time Pencils

$2.75 from Sharing Machine »

Do you know what time it is? ... It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Going back to school? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Leaving the kids a list of chores? It's Mother Fucking Pencil Time! Filling out your order at Umami...

Buy Now

Boob Cube

$9.50 from Amazon »

The Boob Cube is for idiots. And for geniuses. And for idiots who want to convince people they're really geniuses. And for geniuses you want to make feel like idiots. So, yeah, pretty much an ideal gift for any person...

Check it out

Whiskey River Sarcastic Soaps

$8.95 from Whiskey River »

Whiskey River Soaps are like modern-day Shakespearean comedies. Insightful in reading people. Precise in their social commentary. Charming and funny. And, to complement our 21st century needs, not tl;dr, and serving more...

Check it out

Anonymously Send Sh*t

Discontinued

If you know a lot of assholes, you know what it's like to deal with their shit. Now, it's time to return the favor. ShitSenders.com enables the shat upon to send steaming piles of Don't get mad, get even to inconsiderate...

Buy Now

The Complaint Department Grenade Sign

$9.99 from Amazon »

When I saw this "Complaint Department" sign with a "Please take a number" directive pointing right at the pin of a grenade, I first assumed it was meant for the office. I know my boss would sure like to have one....

Check it out

SIGMO Instant 25-Language Voice Translator

Discontinued

When I meet an attractive and well-endowed Portuguese exchange student, I feel that talk is overrated. Body language suits me juuust fine. However, when I'm lost on the streets of Istanbul and the only person willing...